Big Coyote Energy

It's been 19 days since I accepted that someone important to me no longer seemed to want me in their life. I'm still not sure what happened and I'm still not sure what to do about it, so for now that is on the back burner. This person has their own things to deal with right now and at the moment I don't think I'm comfortable being part of that.   I'm upset, hurt, and angry that I allowed someone I trusted so deeply to blindside me like this. But I've worked through a lot of my feelings, the remainder are being sorted slowly, with a lot of backsliding and a lot of hesitnacy. I learned a lot. About myself. About how to interact with people, about how to listen to my gut when it says "hey, this thing seems werid, maybe you shouldn't do it." There was a lot of that. I may be done bending over backwards to please other people and that kills me. I may only offer that compersion if I find it being returned.  I have to work to be able to give o...

I'm mostly writing this whole series of entries to 1. remember shit, and 2. prove to everyone that i'm not an emotionless wash bucket and that this shit scares me. My play has shifted to the place that usually falls on most peoples hard limits list, and this isn't a story about "you must be this kinky to ride." I can do this kind of play because i have the right kind of trust and support system and fucked up people who love to push me.  So, if you've read the last two entries i've posted, you probably have a good idea of what happened at my DO Winter Fire event. I left out the scene with the stun gun and the stun baton because.. Well, i'm not really sure. Sadist and i did another scene on Saturday after my Pet Play class (which went amazingly well by the way, that class is always so fun to teach. Petplayers have some of the most amazing energy and they always bring it to the class) that was based on pain. And for some reason i agreed to it. Stun ...

So... Fusion. That happened. It happened hard. And this is gonna be loooong and disjointed like most of my entries. Others seem to be more efficient in getting their feelings out. Reading their experiences, their scenes, their torment, their fears, it has an energy. I'm not a person for "energies" or "feelings" but something in me is tied to camp. I left part of myself there, and i found parts of myself that have been buried for a long, long time. Parts of me i believe only Kamm has ever known to exist. The parts of me that truly know fear, panic and exhaustion.  Fusion really was a good event for me, but there were parts i would prefer to never experience again, namely the storm. Friday ; On the way up to Ramblewood we stopped at a Tobacco outlet and a great dollar store to pick up some cigars for Kamm and a cooler for drinks. And i finally replaced my knife. Daddy and i arrived around 11am met Bettie_Rage at registration.  Friday it was over 90 degrees. N...

We just got back from a very wonderful time at @Lynk and @Ever's house.  Now for the things left to do before... FUSION! Sunday: Relax. Lots of laundry.  Watch Mongrels. Avoid cave crickets. Monday: Work. Shoe shopping. Tuesday: Work. Date night. Either seeing @Formerly Thor or going to a possible BBQ at @HarshJudgement's place with @Beemo @M0co. Wednesday: Work. Grabbing the last of the things needed for Fusion. Packing for Fusion. Thursday: Work. Rope Bite. Friday: Go to Fusion!

So, the theme of Fusion is apparently rape. I've got sex on the brain. General Eat and sleep Use ALL the sunscreen. Get NONE of the sunburn! Swim Spend time with all my partners (Daddy, CurtisMercury, Lynk and HarshJudgement. That's right, i lumped you in :p ). And new potential play partners :3 Scenes Some kind of frisking or military or police related thing. The idea of this is so absolutely hot. Some rough body play, restraint, forced sexytimes. Yup. *currently being negotiated x2* Being co-topped. Fits into just about anything. Puppy play. Lots. Maybe with other puppies. I love playing with other puppies and littles. Needle play, if i'm up for it :3 Partial suspensions where my chest is *not* the main suspension point. Think legs, hips, etc. I will not be doing any full rope suspensions. I may consider certain types of partials not listed here, but i don't really feel like passing out again. Oh, and all the rope. Taken at knife point. Getting rapey ...

As much as i don't like to admit it, i am fallible. I mean, i'm human, and humans are extremely fragile, physically. And mentally... And emotionally. But generally, i tend to be in control of those things. Last month was a difficult month for me. May generally seems to be a stressful time in my life, but it was extra stressful this year. I don't intend to go into details, but the nut-shell version is that i ended up at a funeral (memorial service) this weekend that i wasn't prepared to go to. A very dear family friend of ours passed in a tragic accident over Memorial Day weekend. I wanted to talk about how fragile life is. I recently linked an article on twitter in which someone had killed themselves accidentally in a BDSM related death . Things are called "accidents" for a reason. No one means for things to go wrong, or for something to happen, but things do happen. Please keep up to date on safety measures and protocols. Keep a first aid kit in your toy...

Group shot from DOWF12 by Scott Church. More of the backlog of stuff i should be uploading. Here blog readers, have a professional picture, bitches. Click for big.

 Taking a page out of Nagabot's book and going a bit more personal on the blog. This was from last Thursday's (3/15) Rope Bite at Chateau Broxy. Hammer likes to tie up pretty girls and do naughty things to them. Kamm wasn't feeling so hot so he didn't come with me. However, i had a great time.  Have i mentioned i like rope? Have i also mentioned stun guns make me cry? Hammer had Perfectly_Bound go grab his "brand new pretty pink toy" i decided to play 20 questions since he wouldn't show me what it was. No wonder everyone laughed when i asked "is it insertible?" He didn't actually hit me with it. That honor belongs to Lynk... Shit. My plan is to add some photographs i have from scenes i've done. Other people may be obscured, but hopefully it won't detract from the images, i just won't post pictures of people without their permission. There is quite a backlog of photos to go through. So with this and the 30 days of kink project i ...

This is probably going to encompass a lot of things other than *just* went on a Winter Fire. I think Winter Fire was a culminating event for me. Kamm routinely points out that almost every scene i do pushes my own personal boundaries, and for some reason i don't actually think about that a lot. I haven't even been here for a year, i entered the scene on May 21, 2011, Kamms birthday. I was afraid of everything! I was afraid of the doorbell that Kamm rang to get us into the PlayHouse that very first time, so scared i jumped and knocked into the trashcans at the door and scared myself *again*. Now look at me. I'm a badass. But not as badass as Kamm... He got fucking abducted. Winter Fire gave me a lot of input on the direction in which i'd like to grow as a submissive. I still see myself as a submissive (with a curious, sly, bratty side) and maybe a little toppy, for rope especially, but the type of play i'd like to get into is a lot clearer now. I want...

-Kamm- and i just got back from DOWF. We're lucky enough to live close enough to the hotel that we could take the metro in. We got a nice short lunch at Zen and got some nice healthy foods. Winter Fire was amazing. I feel like i'm bursting with energy to do more things. I wanted to make a short list of scenes and stuff i experienced before i spaced and forgot something. Scenes breast bondage and rope with Curtis Mercury floor ties, spanking (with water bottles!) and biting with HarshJudgement awesome bitey cuddles with HarshJudement fear play (stungun), knife play, intimacy and more with Lynk needle play (first time) with Lynk intense knife play and horrible biting with Lynk All the things working volunteer shift saturday morning and being called an assistant manager, that was a highlight. sex with Kamm cowering with Beemo during Kamms take down watching lynk's wing scene. plotting more scenes being poked and hugged by everyone. so many buttons. Ok, sho...

Winter Fire begins tomorrow. Much debauchery will be had. I'll miss the kitties while we're gone but they'll be fine without us for a couple of days.  Looking forward to all the scenes we've both planned for the next couple of days. Presidents Day weekend will never be so awesome.

Oh jesus it's February.  Hi everyone. I've been way slow to do stuff here mostly because i have been working so much. I've got a new, fantastic job that i'm enjoying. Unfortunately we're a bit under-staffed so i don't seem to have a lot of energy left over from work to put into the blog. That said. I recently managed to finally untangle myself from the clusterfuck that was my last job. I am ecstatic. No obligations to that job at all, anymore. I also looked up some of the laws and things. Exboss is doing some illegal shit. Fun times. Anyway... On the adgenda for this month is the following: More 30 days of kink Toy review: Njoy pure plug (medium) Dark Odyssey Winter Fire -- our first big weekend event Rope stuff -- we're doing more of that. I'll do some write ups and stuff.  I'm currently topping and bottoming. Kamm likes this ;) Four things seems reasonable. Of course i doubt my ability to function fully for a bit after Winter Fire but you ...

I thought I'd take this opportunity to wish those of you in the USA a Happy Thanksgiving, or happy pre-Thanksgiving. Please be safe and responsible, Thanksgiving is the most traveled holiday in the US and there are lots of drunk people.  Friends don't let friends drink and drive, right? :3 Kamm and I celebrated my birthday yesterday and today (since my birthday actually falls the day after Thanksgiving this year, and I hate celebrating it then because no one is ever around).  Kamm spent the last few months making a wonderful birthday weekend for me. There was an incredible co-topping knife threesome scene-thing between him and a friend of ours (whose wonderful life partner gave him the ok to do this).  I was blindfolded for most of it but there were many pokes and prods and bites and squeals. I love knives, so this was absolutely wonderful for me. The next day Kamm took me out and surprised me with a visit from my oldest male friend (OMG We've known each other for OVE...

 Before I lay down a tale here, I should mention that this is the infamous D.  Not the also infamous Jaine, but the guy who is tied to her in her tales of hedonism. That out of the way, I would like to share an experience that I think would be helpful here. Jaine and I, as you faithful readers here know, have partners that we see on a regular basis. That also said, an update is warranted here. Reason being, there is a situation that I think all can learn from. So here it goes: Before I lay down the story, I should mention that Jaine and I have different tastes when it comes to our partners. She seems to enjoy the more physical aspects of the lifestyle than I do. A kind of fuck buddy deal. Where I enjoy a more romantic side of dating outside of our partnership. It is a fact that we are very aware of, as well as a fact that we are very good at compartmentalizing. We know that while she is happy having her fun in her way, I have fun in mine. The relevance to my tale is that...

Quick post just to update everyone that I am back from the Godless Gathering PA.0. I survived and had an incredible time.  Met some fantastic people that I'm sad I only get to see once or twice a year.  It was pretty successful. The video footage will be uploaded later.  It will be uploaded to my original youTube channel, and then mirrored at the EroticWetAtomic youTube channel. Also, I have a twitter that I might annoyingly update sometimes; #eroticwetatomic. Just editing the post to announce that the video footage has been uploaded to YouTube under EroticWetAtomic (this attached channel) and FineLineFalling, my regular "G" rated channel. 

D, myself and a few friends attended PRIDE DC yesterday and had a great time. I've got 60something pictures, a link to the album is below.  They were all taken with my droid and unedited so pardon the quality. I did remove some of the terrible ones. I take a mean picture of an arm and the back of someone's head. :) PRIDE DC ALBUM You can click on the "play slideshow"  link on the page if you'd rather view them as a slideshow.