Big Coyote Energy

Confession: I'm a furry. Sorry you had to find out this way. I'm not a weirdo furry , I'm an executive furry. I don't really tell people I'm a fur, because then the weird questions come up like "well I don't think you own a fursuit, and I don't think you have sex in it..." And both those things are true, I'm not a fursuiter type of furry and I've never had sex in a fursuit and I don't plan to (those things are stifling to be in). I've just always drawn furry art. Although if you ask I'll tell you I draw ~ ~Fantasy ~  art because it's a safer way to mention it, plus I draw dragons and shit so it counts. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Back in my high school furry days, my fursona/personal character was a Pit Bull, her name was Arceninc (Arc for short) because I was Super Cool TM. . I still have her as a character, she's pretty great. I had her all of high school through college, when I change...

* (Note: This post is old, about a year old, but relevant in my life.) * This is hard to write. I get jealous. I shame myself about what gets me off. My name is Ren and the above two sentences are honest statements. I haven't posted a Winter Fire write up (this would have been Winter Fire 2017). I know. I'm slow. But I think, part of that, is because I need to get this out first. I needed to wrangle my feelings. I've done a lot of consensually fucked up stuff with people. My carefully crafted tower of kink cards began the slow descent to chaos a few years ago when I had a series of break ups in quick succession. I  had  lovely, supportive partners who communicated with me, and were open, and understanding. ... I thought. But I didn't have that. I thought I did, for a long time. That my relationships were good, and they were fulfilling. And they brought me joy. And those things are true, I was always given  just  enough to keep me craving more. Even today...

*Note this writing was originally written over a year ago* Spoiler alert: I don't think I know how to date. Outside the scene, or inside of it. Especially inside of it. I've had a large number of negative experiences with poly, or non-monogamy in general. Veto power is pretty much a no-go for me at this point. I don't want to get involved with anyone with at least one additional serious relationship because I don't feel like there is any room for me within the relationship. Poly is not all fun and games. I'm not a unicorn. I don't want to date your; wife, girlfriend, partner or submissive. I don't want to be a triad or a V. I don't want to compete for attention or love or time. I am  super  over that right now. The local area here seems to be super into casual play or party-only play, but nothing more serious. I can't do casual kink. I've tried. It's where I've had my consent violated, multiple times. It's left me feeling repla...