Big Coyote Energy

Warning: edge play of all varieties mentioned. If it isn't your thing, i'd suggest turning back now. I think it's time i've accepted a few labels for myself; masochist, edge player, sick-fuck. Sexual guilt is actually something i've never dealt with before. I've always been very "on my own terms." I lost my virginity at 17 to a boy i really loved because we decided it was a good time for us (he was a virgin too, and a year younger than me). It was a good experience and we were together for a long time but i knew it wouldn't be forever. We're still friends to this day, he's pretty cool. I went through a "slut phase" in college because i felt like it and wanted to. My sexual partners (at the time) were all really cool about it. I had my first MFM threesome and OTHER people were so mad! How dare i let them take advantage of me! ...Excuse me? It was my fucking idea. We were sitting in a hot tub, chilling out (we may have been dr...

Trigger warning: drowning, blood, ..fuck a lot of blood, and needles. This write up explores most of my Sunday, it gives an inside perspective as to what i was feeling and how i was handled before my scene.  Sunday. I wake up to a text from my sadist "How anxious are you?" My reply; "i was feeling fine until you said something.." I feel my anxiety spike and i work to keep it down.  My phone goes off again: "I recommend that you stay hydrated today and this evening." "I'm trying to stay on top of it..". Phone buzzes again "That's scary." "What is?" "That you trust me." ' I do ' i think to myself.. If i didn't trust him, we wouldn't be doing this. I would never have consented, and he does actually have my consent. I mean, i have to get in the tub right? I told him i wouldn't struggle for that, not physically anyway, i wasn't going to fight him to get in the tub, most accidents in t...

A few weeks ago i went to visit Lynk. Our play tends to get very intense very quickly because we don't get to see each other that often. We do a lot of biting, rough body play and other more sadistic stuff.  We'd been discussing drowning, actually. I'm very curious about drowning, but something more interesting came up; blood play. Daddy and Lynk are planning something big for an outdoor event later in the year that i am going to be involved in. That involves a lot of blood play. I asked Lynk if we could try some blood play, on a small scale, just to see if it was something i was even into. I've seen other blood play scenes before and while i could appreciate it, i was missing something. Once i figured out what it was that was missing, Lynk was happy to help. The thing i was missing was context; It was(is) very important that the blood that is in the scene is at least partly mine. For me the act of suffering and bleeding at the hands of another is arousing as fuck a...

I've been trying to write on the blog about FetFEST since Monday, and that's not happening. Let's try a different approach... --- FetFest, like other large events seemed to be a culminating event for me. I worked through a lot of shit, one of my regrets is not working through, and accepting more things. I never realized how much the storm at Fusion12 impacted me. Having a full 3 nights and 4 days to play and connect really showed me what this is about. My attitude coming out of FetFest12 is entirely different, probably because i didn't spend 48 hours trying to trick myself out of having a panic attack. Daddy and i arrived at camp Thursday evening and set up the tent in the dark. It was fun, and we finally got everything set up around 10pm. Friday was spent running around doing volunteer work and helping TNG Village come to life, taking time to swim nude. It was strange, while i had a welcome overabundance of amazing friends and chosen family i was lack...