Big Coyote Energy

The jaguar is an animal of great power and meaning to me, my guardian. That is why the jaguar is my Patronus. But when I close my eyes and look inside, there is a dog. The dog is the embodiment of who I am, what I am. It's always been that way. The dog is my loyalty, my joy, my fear, my submission. It ties into every aspect of my being, it's the way I make sense of my world. I've been wanting to write about submission and 'what it is' to me for a long time, but I've never been able to find the right words. With the dog analogy, it finally started to make sense. I have never seen myself as a slave. The biggest reason I don't identify as a slave is because at the end of the day, slaves are still human. I identify as property. What is property in the eye of the law? Animals... dogs. Dogs are property. The Owner/canine relationship really appeals to me in a way that is entirely separate from puppy play. My submission doesn't involve pretending to be a do...

I've always wanted D/s. I identify as a sadomasochist because it's easier than actually admitting that the number of people I would actually submit to is minuscule and most people just honestly don't fit the bill. Doing the 'polite female' thing is just better for everyone. Then I met someone. Whom I told over and over "I'm not emotionally available." "I'm broken." "You should find someone less damaged." "You're too nice to deal with this much baggage." Because pushing away someone who was genuinely nice to me, and interested in me, was  easier  than facing my feelings about what had been going on in my life, and what I wanted out of my life and what I would have to go through to be able to trust a new person in my life. He didn't leave. He sat with me while I cried, this mostly-stranger. He bought me dinner. He let me cry on him. He didn't question me when my social anxiety and general I'm-still-w...

I get that male sexuality is something to be embraced. Guys start playing with themselves from the time they figure out they have something "down there." Us vagina-havers aren't always so familiar with our bodies. This is certainly something that should change if you are comfortable with the idea of masturbation.  Everyone loves orgasms, bla bla bla. That said. I don't really masturbate. I don't like it. It's like a chore for me. Masturbation is the last option before insanity for me. There is a reason for this and it has taken me years to figure out. Sex is an experience for me. Sex is something i do with someone else (or a few someone elses). Masturbation is something i do, to myself. There is no one else. Either i make up the fantasy or nothing happens. Either i dominate myself, or nothing happens. Honestly, nothing is better in most cases. I am incapable of dominating myself. I'm a submissive, dammit. There is very little difference to me between...

At least i didn't think i was. Because i'm not. I'm not supposed to be... In the last couple of months, the way i play has been changing.  I'm not supposed to be like this. Masochism goes against everything i understand about my existence. I'm hypersensitive.  Pain has always been part of a negative reinforcement loop. "If it feels bad, don't do it." It's like the fundamental law of my universe, followed quickly by "if it feels good, do it." While the mix up in interpretation isn't new, the realization of it is. I tend to play with partners who have a serious sadistic streak. If you would have asked me even a year ago if i could change the way i interpret sensation on this level, i would have thought you were clinically insane. I've been flirting with the idea of masochism, mostly as a a joke because look at me, i can't handle anything. I'm a self-described pansy. Tickling is on my hard limits list because it hurts. ...

This is probably going to encompass a lot of things other than *just* went on a Winter Fire. I think Winter Fire was a culminating event for me. Kamm routinely points out that almost every scene i do pushes my own personal boundaries, and for some reason i don't actually think about that a lot. I haven't even been here for a year, i entered the scene on May 21, 2011, Kamms birthday. I was afraid of everything! I was afraid of the doorbell that Kamm rang to get us into the PlayHouse that very first time, so scared i jumped and knocked into the trashcans at the door and scared myself *again*. Now look at me. I'm a badass. But not as badass as Kamm... He got fucking abducted. Winter Fire gave me a lot of input on the direction in which i'd like to grow as a submissive. I still see myself as a submissive (with a curious, sly, bratty side) and maybe a little toppy, for rope especially, but the type of play i'd like to get into is a lot clearer now. I want...

This article from Salon.com covers some controversial topics in the BDSM community.  We make it a point to dictate the difference between abuse and BDSM is consent. But what happens when that consent is taken away? View the entire article including links by clicking below. When safe words are ignored Women in the bondage and kink scene are speaking out about sexual assaults in the community, and calling for change. Maggie Mayhem is dressed like a kinky dictator. Standing onstage at San Francisco’s Center for Sex and Culture, her olive-green military cap and knee-high-heeled boots belie the vulnerable subject at hand. “The first time I was ever raped,” she starts, her throat tightening around her words, “it was actually on a date with somebody from my local S/M community.” The 27-year-old sex educator and fetish model has never before publicly shared the story of her sexual assault, but the purpose of this evening’s event, a “consent culture” fundraiser, is so that sh...

I thought I'd take this opportunity to wish those of you in the USA a Happy Thanksgiving, or happy pre-Thanksgiving. Please be safe and responsible, Thanksgiving is the most traveled holiday in the US and there are lots of drunk people.  Friends don't let friends drink and drive, right? :3 Kamm and I celebrated my birthday yesterday and today (since my birthday actually falls the day after Thanksgiving this year, and I hate celebrating it then because no one is ever around).  Kamm spent the last few months making a wonderful birthday weekend for me. There was an incredible co-topping knife threesome scene-thing between him and a friend of ours (whose wonderful life partner gave him the ok to do this).  I was blindfolded for most of it but there were many pokes and prods and bites and squeals. I love knives, so this was absolutely wonderful for me. The next day Kamm took me out and surprised me with a visit from my oldest male friend (OMG We've known each other for OVE...

Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us. I identify as a submissive (currently) although I see no plans for it to change.  Ideally, I'd like to see myself topping (although not dominating) for certain types of play.  Mostly with knife play, needle play, stapling  and possibly some decorative cutting.  Blood doesn't bother me. I am a submissive. I refer to myself as a lifestyle submissive because I don't think I have a dominant bone in my entire body and I am ok with this. I get exactly what I want out of submitting to the right people. I'm quite outspoken and I describe myself as (borderline) obnoxious sometimes. It's in jest...mostly. I think I'm too headstrong and afraid to be a slave. Submitting still gives me the power to stop or change a scene or dynamic if something is pushing the "bad panic" bu...

This definition of BDSM comes from wikipedia ; BDSM is an erotic preference and a form of sexual expression involving the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role-play . The compound acronym BDSM is derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M). BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships , and distinct subcultures . Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the participants usually taking on complementary, but unequal roles, thus the idea of consent of both the partners becomes essential. Typically participants who are active – applying the activity or exercising control over others – are known as tops or dominants . Those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners are typically known as bottoms or submissives . In...

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Be where you want to be. Breathe.