Where in Protocol Becomes A Thing

I've always wanted D/s. I identify as a sadomasochist because it's easier than actually admitting that the number of people I would actually submit to is minuscule and most people just honestly don't fit the bill. Doing the 'polite female' thing is just better for everyone.

Then I met someone. Whom I told over and over "I'm not emotionally available." "I'm broken." "You should find someone less damaged." "You're too nice to deal with this much baggage." Because pushing away someone who was genuinely nice to me, and interested in me, was easier than facing my feelings about what had been going on in my life, and what I wanted out of my life and what I would have to go through to be able to trust a new person in my life.

He didn't leave. He sat with me while I cried, this mostly-stranger. He bought me dinner. He let me cry on him. He didn't question me when my social anxiety and general I'm-still-working-through-feelings-about-my-last-relationship-ness got the best of me and I had to be the one to end our good time. He asked me about doing something in play while we were both inebriated. My consent wasn't enthusiastic enough so we didn't do the thing he asked about, despite me giving him the go-ahead. He didn't want me to regret something in the morning.

He liked me and wanted to stay around me, even when I told him to go.

"Do you really want me to go?"
"No... I want you to stay, but I don't feel like that is something I can ask of you. I don't know you. You don't know me. I want you to know that you can leave if you want to. You don't need to sit here and watch me cry."
He put his arm around me and he didn't leave.

He still hasn't left. I mean, he's not in my house or anything, but he's taken up residence right inside my brain. It's been a few months. We talk about D/s and what it is and what it means to me. Do I want it or not? I don't know.

I started to get an idea of what I wanted. I wanted to submit.

I get to see him again at GKE Classic. I asked him what he thought about doing some protocol stuff at the event. He was keen on the idea, so we discussed some things and some rules and some exceptions.

I sent him the below text in a Googledoc.

Geeky Kink Event Classic 2015 Protocol

Protocol goes into effect once Daddy is picked up from the airport. Ends at his discretion.

• Property must ask permission to go to the bathroom
• Exception: emergency or Daddy is sleeping.

• Property will be plugged at Daddies request with chosen plug.
• Exception: tummy upset or uncooperative ass

• Property will insert plug in front of Daddy
• Exception: dismissed by Daddy to plug alone

• Training collar is to be kept on at Daddies discretion. Property may attempt to sleep in collar.
• Daddy may choose to keep property close and can leash property to himself or to objects nearby.

I get to try out protocol. With someone who is really excited about it, and me, whom I'm really into. I love it. I love him.

I never thought I'd be here, typing this or thinking about it or writing up a protocol sheet in Googledocs to send to someone I like. A lot. Now look at me.