Big Coyote Energy

It's been 19 days since I accepted that someone important to me no longer seemed to want me in their life. I'm still not sure what happened and I'm still not sure what to do about it, so for now that is on the back burner. This person has their own things to deal with right now and at the moment I don't think I'm comfortable being part of that.   I'm upset, hurt, and angry that I allowed someone I trusted so deeply to blindside me like this. But I've worked through a lot of my feelings, the remainder are being sorted slowly, with a lot of backsliding and a lot of hesitnacy. I learned a lot. About myself. About how to interact with people, about how to listen to my gut when it says "hey, this thing seems werid, maybe you shouldn't do it." There was a lot of that. I may be done bending over backwards to please other people and that kills me. I may only offer that compersion if I find it being returned.  I have to work to be able to give o...

I won't make out with you because i don't want to *give the wrong impression*. I won't make out with you because i consider that a very close intimate act and prefer only to do it with those i have plans on getting more intimate with later. I feel that lately people have been misconstruing my actions, and my words, and it is something i've found rather unsettling. People making up relationships when there are none, or assuming friendships when (to me) i clearly would have not used that label. I try to be clear. Sometimes to the point of being offensive, with my words, my sentences, my syntax, to make sure my exact, actual point gets across. I don't play with peoples' emotions. I don't sit here, planning on harming people. I'm a physical masochist not an emotional sadist. I have triggers, fears and issues just like everyone else, i don't think i'm exempt from being told i'm acting like an ass, or genuinely apologizing for my behavior o...

This article was written by Silk, a friend of mine. Daddy and i had just been discussing some of these exact issues yesterday on our way to work. Silk has given me permission to post the article he wrote (thank you). Please keep in mind when attending parties, events, etc, what the rules are for dealing with rape, sexual assault and other consent violations at the venue are. If you aren't sure then ask. You have a right to know how your safety is being looked at by the people hosting parties.  Why Would Somebody Not Report Sexual Assault/Rape In The Scene? There are many, many reasons why people may not report such terrible physical and emotional violations of their person. Adding that it happened with somebody from or in the scene makes it even more difficult. In the vanilla world alone 54% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police. (RAINN, 2012) It is estimated 97% of perpetrators won't spend a day in jail. (RAINN, 2012) So why not report both i...

As someone in a poly relationship, i hear all the time about how important communication and honesty is. It's beaten into our heads over and over again. "Problem? Talk about it." Sure, it makes sense, it's logical, it's what people should do. So then, why do people have such a hard time being honest? I'm going to say this very plainly. The truth is always better than a lie. As far as i'm concerned anyway. Just be honest, especially with your friends. This isn't always about romantic relationships, poly or otherwise. Friendships, play partnerships, they're all types of relationships. Don't want to hang out? Awesome. Say so. Don't make excuses. I get that people are busy, or have things to do, or are feeling not too social that day. Don't want to fuck? Awesome. Say so. Don't leave me wondering if i'm some sort of sexual predator because you say that you want to get intimate and because I trust you, I believe y...

I'll preface this by saying i have NOT read any of the books in the 50 Shades of Grey series . One more time. I have NOT read these books and while i did make what was an honest metal attempt to fit it into my schedule it is not going to happen. I am not an emotional masochist. 50SOG does is not a book about BDSM, sorry to break it to you. It is Twilight fan-fiction. I have read most of the books in the Twilight series, because there just isn't a lot of quality werewolf shit around these days. They were also not something i would consider "good" writing. Sorry Twilight fans. 50SOG is a book that describes a horribly dysfunctional "BDSM type" relationship. It goes on to talk about how people who are into these kinds of things must have been damaged at some point or another because "normal" people aren't into this sort of shit. The girl feels like she can "fix" the boy of his horrible ways. THIS IS NOT HOW RELATOINSHIPS WORK. I...

As much as i don't like to admit it, i am fallible. I mean, i'm human, and humans are extremely fragile, physically. And mentally... And emotionally. But generally, i tend to be in control of those things. Last month was a difficult month for me. May generally seems to be a stressful time in my life, but it was extra stressful this year. I don't intend to go into details, but the nut-shell version is that i ended up at a funeral (memorial service) this weekend that i wasn't prepared to go to. A very dear family friend of ours passed in a tragic accident over Memorial Day weekend. I wanted to talk about how fragile life is. I recently linked an article on twitter in which someone had killed themselves accidentally in a BDSM related death . Things are called "accidents" for a reason. No one means for things to go wrong, or for something to happen, but things do happen. Please keep up to date on safety measures and protocols. Keep a first aid kit in your toy...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

How do you safe word when you forget you can talk? I don't generally post a lot of personal stuff like this to the blog, but it is extremely important for others to know that even in the most controlled environments something can go wrong. I will post an updated fet writing below about how i have had to alter my play styles based on a quirk that happens to me when i get pushed into deep subspace; i get non-verbal.  Below is a list of what i am planning on using to help me work through this issue. A friend of mine told me "tapping out" is a safe "word" he and his submissive use. In this instance that would not have worked for me because my hands were bound. Typically, people worry if a bottom is blindfolded and gagged. I had no gag and no blindfold, i was perfectly able to voice my colors but i forgot that i could talk. As i mention at the bottom of the writing i will start trying to use the flag or scarf dropping method of "safe wording." ----...

Click on the picture for the associated article.  I feel exactly the same way GOP. Stay out of my vagina.

I can not stand Rick Santorum.  The reasons for this are many (like, unending) and considering the fact that i'm from Pennsylvania, i've never voted for him.  I'm glad Pennsylvanians declined to re-elect him. Except for the fact that he's now started hovering over the political pundancy like an eleven year old hovers over a table and grossly masturbates to the first found issue of  National Geographic. I'm a new voter.  I'm also a single issue voter.  One of my debit cards gives pennies to Susan G. Koman for the Cure, the other gives pennies for every transaction to Human Rights Campaign .  What do these two organizations have in common? They help people.  I'm into helping people. Maybe not by raising thousands of dollars (although i've managed to do a bit of fundraising in my day) and not by calling senators or sending them angry emails (done that as well, i'll never get those hours back spent on the phone or the money in postage but i have to a...

For the first time since the 1920's the definition of what rape actually is has been updated! This is fantastic news. The definition of rape now applies to people of any gender! Not just those female bodied!  See the full article at the New York Times here . U.S. to Expand Its Definition of Rape in Statistics By CHARLIE SAVAGE   Published: January 6, 2012 WASHINGTON — The federal government is changing its longstanding definition of “forcible rape” in compiling national crime statistics — expanding both the definition of victims, to include males, and the types of sexual assault that will be counted in the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s Uniform Crime Report . The new definition, which has been in the works for several months and was formally announced by the Obama administration on Friday, will replace a narrower definition of “forcible rape” with one that includes, among other things, forcible oral or anal penetration. The narrower definition, which is lim...