This article was written by Silk, a friend of mine. Daddy and i had just been discussing some of these exact issues yesterday on our way to work. Silk has given me permission to post the article he wrote (thank you). Please keep in mind when attending parties, events, etc, what the rules are for dealing with rape, sexual assault and other consent violations at the venue are. If you aren't sure then ask. You have a right to know how your safety is being looked at by the people hosting parties.
Why Would Somebody Not Report Sexual Assault/Rape In The Scene?
There are many, many reasons why people may not report such terrible physical and emotional violations of their person. Adding that it happened with somebody from or in the scene makes it even more difficult. In the vanilla world alone 54% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police. (RAINN, 2012) It is estimated 97% of perpetrators won't spend a day in jail. (RAINN, 2012)
So why not report both in general and in the scene?
In General:
- Victims often know their perpetrator. Around 2/3 of the perps are a friend/acquaintance. Perhaps it is a friend? A co-worker? Even a member of your family? Even a spouse? The moment it is reported it will be immediately polarizing and folks will take sides. Groups of friends split, social scenes split, families split... Ready to have your world flipped upside down and drop that bomb on your safety net of emotional and social support by polarizing?
- Victims often are ashamed. They do not want anyone to know what happened to them do to many circumstances. Society worldwide has a much grimmer and judgmental view of sex positive women. Men can be extremely sexually active and this is applauded by most cultures while women are demonized for it. God forbid they have more than one active sex partner! The defense for most perps usually is trying to raise a reasonable doubt about the sexual assault/rape by bringing as much about the victim's sexual history into the light as they can. To judgmental eyes it will be said plainly in court they are a woman of loose morals and of poor character. It is the most socially acceptable way to call somebody a 'whore' in court.
- Victims are often shamed and blamed for their own sexual assault/rape. Why did you have a man in your house alone? You were drinking and flirting with them... Why were you dressed the way you were? Why would you go alone to a place like that? You've fooled around with this person plenty of times before. You were cheating on your significant other at the time. Why did you drink so much/get high?
- Victim shame is especially true for male victims. 1 in 33 men have admitted to being sexually assaulted. (RAINN, 2012) This is compounded that most of the time their perp is another male. Social stigma surrounding men who can't protect themselves, are overpowered and violated, or find themselves as victims is incredibly cruel.
- Victims are often faced with the trauma of their sexual assault/rape. Chasing their perp on what may be polarizing to your support net and not fruitful in their prosecution is often not the victim's immediate concern. The trauma is. According to RAINN (2012) victims are 3 times more likely to suffer from depression, 6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol, 26 times more likely to abuse drugs, and 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide. Does that sound like the victim is in the emotional and mental state to be able to undertake the long and stressful process of trying to get their perpetrator prosecuted?
In The Scene:
There are even MORE reasons that compound why somebody in the scene won't report...
- Reporting your perp means outing yourself. You are admitting you are part of the kink world. Friends, family, co-workers, authorities... All of them will know and many will judge you. Goodbye anonymity.
- Reporting will likely result in this person not being prosecuted. The prosecutor’s office likely won't even take the case. Why? In court that perpetrator is going to make sure the judge and jury see the kind of things we do. You walk around parties naked or dressed so provocatively? You allowed this person to tie you up and gag you, but not penetrate you? You are very sexually active? You played with this person before or had more intense scenes with others? Being part of the scene more or less writes the perpetrator's defense for them. As far as evidence it is very hard to come by... Most folks in the scene aren't going to court and outing themselves to be witnesses for you. Being a witness means them outing who they are too. You think everyone would want their name to be public record when it comes to BDSM even if they are empathetic to you? Surfaces and toys are cleaned for sanitation purposes destroying other evidence. When reporting to a sexual assault nurse/examiner (SANE) did you have other injuries, wounds, bruising, penetration from other partners?
- Sexual assault/rape polarizes communities both kink and vanilla. In fact, it destroys them. People join camps and the victim is often blamed by the perp's camp. You'd think being more sex positive people we'd step away from a lot of the traditional victim blaming garbage, but we do it as well. Be ready to endure cruelty and becoming a pariah.
- There are insane folks out there that still believe 'total submission' means non-consent can happen. You 'signed yourself over to them' and they can do what they want. These folks aren't high in number, but they exist. Pro Tip: Anyone who tells you, “Real subs don't have safe words.” is a good indication to not play with them.
In Conclusion
- Folks often don't report. For the most part they just don't. It isn't a lack of integrity, strength, or anything wrong with them... It is actually something wrong with culture. The situation society puts victims of these types of crimes in is terrible.
- What can I do? This is a question you should ask yourself long before you are put into one of these positions. Are you willing to go to court and report unbiasedly what you saw happen? Are you willing to try and be supportive and avoid victim blaming? What lengths are you and your organization going to keep folks safe (i.e. Dungeon Monitoring, safe call groups, keeping very open communication, employing dependable leaders, educating, etc)? Educate yourself on the issue of rape/sexual assault and bring that to the table of your organizations in the scene. Discussing it openly and showing support makes victims more likely to seek help.
- I often get the feeling that we loath the idea of how these things can happen in a sex positive culture. We're suppose to be above this, are we not? I believe we are. However, it isn't our problem. It is all of society's really... And, even as a subculture we are part of that society and not immune to it.
NCSF has some really awesome statistics they have taken about these issues in the scene and some that are very scene specific. I am very thankful to them for doing these surveys to give a real idea of issues for our subculture in particular.
Resources:
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
National Coalition For Sexual Freedom
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