Big Coyote Energy

It's gonna get fucked, i don't *really* have a choice*. And it isn't just going to get fucked, it's going to get raped. Or something. I don't know. All i know is i want to make this experience as easy as possible. Considering the last time i had something in my butt that wasn't my plug was probably 2011, i'm out of practice. Things i know: * Lube * Lube * Lube * Patience * Lube * Relax * Lube * oh and lube. * maybe more lube * enema? * lube * also, lube The 12-15 times i've tried to have buttsex the way 'you're supposed' to has always been fucking uncomfortable. My ass doesn't stretch, or i'm not doing it right. Forplay - check. Relaxed-check. Sometimes alcohol (on my end) - check. Butplug - check. I have TWO buttplugs in two different sizes! One that takes me 30 minutes to get in. It's an NJOY MEDIUM. It isn't like im trying to stuff the [Great American Challenge][http://www.amazon.com/Doc-Johnson-Great-Americ...

I won't make out with you because i don't want to *give the wrong impression*. I won't make out with you because i consider that a very close intimate act and prefer only to do it with those i have plans on getting more intimate with later. I feel that lately people have been misconstruing my actions, and my words, and it is something i've found rather unsettling. People making up relationships when there are none, or assuming friendships when (to me) i clearly would have not used that label. I try to be clear. Sometimes to the point of being offensive, with my words, my sentences, my syntax, to make sure my exact, actual point gets across. I don't play with peoples' emotions. I don't sit here, planning on harming people. I'm a physical masochist not an emotional sadist. I have triggers, fears and issues just like everyone else, i don't think i'm exempt from being told i'm acting like an ass, or genuinely apologizing for my behavior o...

We've all had it happen; something horrible happens during your scene. It doesn't matter whether you were topping, bottoming, serving or being served. You've had a scene that just didn't come out the way you wanted it to. Expecting the Inevitable (a discussion class taught by Jaine Lane, aka EroticWetAtomic) will address pitfalls and injuries that occur during all kinds of scenes, and what to do about them. In this class we will cover: * Flexibility * Adaptability * Understanding realistic expectations * Personal responsibility * How to talk to someone who has injured you unintentionally * Negotiating a scene for next time * And more Not everything that "goes wrong" during scenes is horrible or traumatic. Not everything that stops a scene is something anyone else besides the participants would notice. If you haven't had a scene go wrong yet, consider yourself lucky, as this is a situation of "when" not "if...

I know i've addressed this before, but this is the new topic of interest flying around the fetlife, so i figured i would address it. I know i have other things i need to write about (hello Charm City Fetish Fair) but i'll get to those next week. Lets talk about safe words. We'll start with a basic definition. A "safe word" is a word or phrase than when said in the context of a BDSM scene, will stop the scene. This can be something general like "red" or it can be something that would not generally come up in the context of a scene ie "fruit basket" "platypus" or "Fluggaenkoecchicebolsen." Words like "no" "stop" and "oh fuck" are poor choices for safe words, as they are generally uttered during scenes anyway. In theory they sound like a great idea. Of course safe words have their place in the context of BDSM. The problem with them is twofold. 1. Safe wording can be seen as a "...

I get that male sexuality is something to be embraced. Guys start playing with themselves from the time they figure out they have something "down there." Us vagina-havers aren't always so familiar with our bodies. This is certainly something that should change if you are comfortable with the idea of masturbation.  Everyone loves orgasms, bla bla bla. That said. I don't really masturbate. I don't like it. It's like a chore for me. Masturbation is the last option before insanity for me. There is a reason for this and it has taken me years to figure out. Sex is an experience for me. Sex is something i do with someone else (or a few someone elses). Masturbation is something i do, to myself. There is no one else. Either i make up the fantasy or nothing happens. Either i dominate myself, or nothing happens. Honestly, nothing is better in most cases. I am incapable of dominating myself. I'm a submissive, dammit. There is very little difference to me between...

At least i didn't think i was. Because i'm not. I'm not supposed to be... In the last couple of months, the way i play has been changing.  I'm not supposed to be like this. Masochism goes against everything i understand about my existence. I'm hypersensitive.  Pain has always been part of a negative reinforcement loop. "If it feels bad, don't do it." It's like the fundamental law of my universe, followed quickly by "if it feels good, do it." While the mix up in interpretation isn't new, the realization of it is. I tend to play with partners who have a serious sadistic streak. If you would have asked me even a year ago if i could change the way i interpret sensation on this level, i would have thought you were clinically insane. I've been flirting with the idea of masochism, mostly as a a joke because look at me, i can't handle anything. I'm a self-described pansy. Tickling is on my hard limits list because it hurts. ...

This is a new class that i'm putting together. Love it or hate it 50 shades is bringing a ton of new people into the scene. If 5 0 Shades of Grey is your first foray into the wonderful exciting world of BDSM, you may find yourself asking more questions than the book can answer. This class is for you. A judgement free zone of education and discussion that is open to all newcomers. Why does 50 Shades of Grey seem to be so frowned upon in the community? I keep hearing and reading a lot of terms that I'm not familiar with, can you talk about them? Are the representations of BDSM in 50 Shades accurate? Are they safe? How can I get more involved in the BDSM community? *More information may be added later

As someone in a poly relationship, i hear all the time about how important communication and honesty is. It's beaten into our heads over and over again. "Problem? Talk about it." Sure, it makes sense, it's logical, it's what people should do. So then, why do people have such a hard time being honest? I'm going to say this very plainly. The truth is always better than a lie. As far as i'm concerned anyway. Just be honest, especially with your friends. This isn't always about romantic relationships, poly or otherwise. Friendships, play partnerships, they're all types of relationships. Don't want to hang out? Awesome. Say so. Don't make excuses. I get that people are busy, or have things to do, or are feeling not too social that day. Don't want to fuck? Awesome. Say so. Don't leave me wondering if i'm some sort of sexual predator because you say that you want to get intimate and because I trust you, I believe y...

Nothing is inherently bad about Tuesdays, don't get me wrong. They follow Mondays, precede Wednesdays, you know, the usual. Tuesdays are Daddy's date night with his Mistress. Tuesdays were my date night too, but not anymore it seems, for a list of reasons that shouldn't be as complicated as it is. I've been looking for another relationship in all the wrong places, People who aren't comfortable with poly, people who aren't emotionally available. People who aren't into BDSM. I wanted to put what i was actually looking for in a concise, easy to read format. Also, i always wanted to talk about what i could offer in a relationship, because they're two way streets you know. What am i looking for anyway? I guess the easiest label to put on it is secondary... Only because i have a primary. Kamm (Daddy) and live together and plan on getting married. While we may be looking for room mates in the near future, i'm not necessarily looking fo...

If Dan Savage has taught me anything, it's that people cheat and really it is something that we should all kind of get over. I understand, if you make a monogamous commitment you should keep it, but people are people and people make mistakes. People cheat for all kinds of reasons. Your spouse and you are in a sexless marriage and you still have a sex drive (which is not something you should be ashamed about). Your spouse has some sort of condition that makes sex painful, embarrassing or downright unfeasible. You have kids and you don't want to leave your significant other because other than the lack of sex, the marriage works. You no longer have intimacy in your relationship and you crave it, like any sane human being. I get it. I completely understand. I don't really think people that stray or cheat are terrible human beings. BUT.... I refuse to closet myself. Being your "behind closed doors" kind of girl is in absolutely no way appealing...

I'll preface this by saying i have NOT read any of the books in the 50 Shades of Grey series . One more time. I have NOT read these books and while i did make what was an honest metal attempt to fit it into my schedule it is not going to happen. I am not an emotional masochist. 50SOG does is not a book about BDSM, sorry to break it to you. It is Twilight fan-fiction. I have read most of the books in the Twilight series, because there just isn't a lot of quality werewolf shit around these days. They were also not something i would consider "good" writing. Sorry Twilight fans. 50SOG is a book that describes a horribly dysfunctional "BDSM type" relationship. It goes on to talk about how people who are into these kinds of things must have been damaged at some point or another because "normal" people aren't into this sort of shit. The girl feels like she can "fix" the boy of his horrible ways. THIS IS NOT HOW RELATOINSHIPS WORK. I...

As much as i don't like to admit it, i am fallible. I mean, i'm human, and humans are extremely fragile, physically. And mentally... And emotionally. But generally, i tend to be in control of those things. Last month was a difficult month for me. May generally seems to be a stressful time in my life, but it was extra stressful this year. I don't intend to go into details, but the nut-shell version is that i ended up at a funeral (memorial service) this weekend that i wasn't prepared to go to. A very dear family friend of ours passed in a tragic accident over Memorial Day weekend. I wanted to talk about how fragile life is. I recently linked an article on twitter in which someone had killed themselves accidentally in a BDSM related death . Things are called "accidents" for a reason. No one means for things to go wrong, or for something to happen, but things do happen. Please keep up to date on safety measures and protocols. Keep a first aid kit in your toy...

I've had a lot of people, anyone from close friends to new acquaintances ask me about how Kamm and i manage a successful poly relationship. I can't help but smirk, at least on the inside because i don't consider myself successfully polyamours. SHOCKER. I know, read on, there is a good explanation. I consider myself functionally non monogamous. This is about my relationships with non monogamy, i will try to get Kamm to write something as well. This will have a lot of me/i in it. This is because the best way for me to educate others is to talk about my experiences, things i know inside and out. For most people, either you are open to non monogamy, or you aren't. People who are predisposed to non monogamy can make monogamous commitments and keep them, but they may not necessarily be ecstatic about it. It's about self control. This is not what this writing is about. Basic Points; Non monogamy really isn't *that* much more different than monogamy, it...

I wanted to do about sixteen other things, but it seems the blog is in much need of an update. May marks my one year "kinkaversary" or the one year anniversary of me getting into kink. It's come with a lot of growth and change and self reflection. I really can't imagine my life without BDSM anymore. It has really become an integral part of who i am, and i think before this, i had a lot of empty space in my life and as stupid as it sounds in my heart. It is exceptionally fulfilling for me to have the kind of life i have. My beloved Kamm, my three understanding and sexy play partners; FormerlyThor, CurtisMercury and Lynk. And HarshJudgement, wherever he fits in ( :p ). I have many facets; submissive, owned property, puppy, pony, bottom. I have many amazing mentors and friends; Ever, SaintNicky, Liberteeny, TheHammer, Perfectly_Bound, Tatsujin_Paris, M0co, Beemo, FelisLeo, Lochai, Subatomic17, Bettie_Rage, Atticant, Moose, Shangrilaaah, Silk. (If you weren't me...

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How do you safe word when you forget you can talk? I don't generally post a lot of personal stuff like this to the blog, but it is extremely important for others to know that even in the most controlled environments something can go wrong. I will post an updated fet writing below about how i have had to alter my play styles based on a quirk that happens to me when i get pushed into deep subspace; i get non-verbal.  Below is a list of what i am planning on using to help me work through this issue. A friend of mine told me "tapping out" is a safe "word" he and his submissive use. In this instance that would not have worked for me because my hands were bound. Typically, people worry if a bottom is blindfolded and gagged. I had no gag and no blindfold, i was perfectly able to voice my colors but i forgot that i could talk. As i mention at the bottom of the writing i will start trying to use the flag or scarf dropping method of "safe wording." ----...

This article from Salon.com covers some controversial topics in the BDSM community.  We make it a point to dictate the difference between abuse and BDSM is consent. But what happens when that consent is taken away? View the entire article including links by clicking below. When safe words are ignored Women in the bondage and kink scene are speaking out about sexual assaults in the community, and calling for change. Maggie Mayhem is dressed like a kinky dictator. Standing onstage at San Francisco’s Center for Sex and Culture, her olive-green military cap and knee-high-heeled boots belie the vulnerable subject at hand. “The first time I was ever raped,” she starts, her throat tightening around her words, “it was actually on a date with somebody from my local S/M community.” The 27-year-old sex educator and fetish model has never before publicly shared the story of her sexual assault, but the purpose of this evening’s event, a “consent culture” fundraiser, is so that sh...

I'm pretty sure i've posted something along these lines before, but way too many women are completely unaware of how their own anatomy works so, here's to you ladies. Go get a copy of Greys Anatomy or google anatomical vagina and learn some stuff. This is a responce to a poster on another forum asking about how her vagina is supposted to smell. She indicated a sour smell. Here is my responce. Vaginas do have a natural scent to them. If your crotch smells like a dumpster, or the ocean, or the bay at low tide, you've most likely got BV (Bacterial vaginosis) this is NOT an sti/std, it's just an imbalance in the bacterial flora. It can happen for 1 of 1000 reasons. You may need to see the doctor, but there is a product out there called RePhresh (can be found in any target/cvs/walmart/whatever) that is made to deal with BV. Doctors will often put you on antifungals to deal with BV. They'll put you on Antibiotics to deal with yeast infections. You can try...

I can not stand Rick Santorum.  The reasons for this are many (like, unending) and considering the fact that i'm from Pennsylvania, i've never voted for him.  I'm glad Pennsylvanians declined to re-elect him. Except for the fact that he's now started hovering over the political pundancy like an eleven year old hovers over a table and grossly masturbates to the first found issue of  National Geographic. I'm a new voter.  I'm also a single issue voter.  One of my debit cards gives pennies to Susan G. Koman for the Cure, the other gives pennies for every transaction to Human Rights Campaign .  What do these two organizations have in common? They help people.  I'm into helping people. Maybe not by raising thousands of dollars (although i've managed to do a bit of fundraising in my day) and not by calling senators or sending them angry emails (done that as well, i'll never get those hours back spent on the phone or the money in postage but i have to a...

Anyone that's spoken to me for any real length of time knows i love three things; ropes, knives and pet play. I experience those in that order. Most of the people i know are riggers (novice, learning and experienced alike) so i get to be part of a lot of rope play and the occasional suspension. i don't have a lot of "successful" suspensions under my belt but the number slowly grows. i love learning about how my body handles the stress and newness of feeling gravity interact differently on my body. How i handle the stress of the ropes pulling, my weight redistributing itself, my top pushing me harder and harder. My body is its own story of what the fuckery at best. Hypersensitivity, ticklishness, etc. i think because of that i'm a more challenging/pain in the ass bottom, sometimes i feel bad for my tops. At least working with different people has allowed me to be able to read myself better. As has looking into a lot of rope-related risk assessment...