Big Coyote Energy

* Note: This post is actually about 7 months old *  I've looked everywhere. In my drawers, under the bed, in the closet. In my car. My backpack. It's no where to be found, my extra love. Sure I love people in my life, a lot of them. I'm blessed enough to have found a group of amazing, incredible, resilient, supportive people. But... I'm not polyamorous. I've tried, I've had good poly relationships, I've been in them, dated poly people, I've taught classes, etc. But right now in my current place in life, that is not for me. That's not a slight against poly people in my life, I will always admire you and how you handle things, but for me, for now, I think I want mostly monogamy. Certainly emotionally, probably physically. I'm still hammering that one out. How that ends up will be after a long discussion with Silver. We currently, intentionally, don't have labels on what we're doing, which leaves me a free agent to do as I wish. If ...

*Note this writing was originally written over a year ago* Spoiler alert: I don't think I know how to date. Outside the scene, or inside of it. Especially inside of it. I've had a large number of negative experiences with poly, or non-monogamy in general. Veto power is pretty much a no-go for me at this point. I don't want to get involved with anyone with at least one additional serious relationship because I don't feel like there is any room for me within the relationship. Poly is not all fun and games. I'm not a unicorn. I don't want to date your; wife, girlfriend, partner or submissive. I don't want to be a triad or a V. I don't want to compete for attention or love or time. I am  super  over that right now. The local area here seems to be super into casual play or party-only play, but nothing more serious. I can't do casual kink. I've tried. It's where I've had my consent violated, multiple times. It's left me feeling repla...

My birthday is around Thanksgiving. I don't really like it, but it isn't something i've got any form of control over. V-day conception means a Thanksgivingish birthday. Quite a few people in my life and family suffer the same fate. But you know what is pretty cool? I get to see my family every year on or around my birthday because the turkey day is a big deal for them. This year, by dessert, we saw at least 55 people through the door. I don't really like turkey. But you know what? Every year my family also has ham for me and the other turkey naysayers (gobblesayers?). I chow down on that ham like the puppy i am. And really, who is going to forsake delicious ham in favor of turkey. Hammmmmmmmm. This is the first time i've seen both my parents in person since i came out to them about poly. And no one freaked out. They bold told me they loved me. The written message in my birthday card almost made me cry. The good tears i mean. Daddy is sleeping next to me, finally not...

I'm pretty sure i'm straight. Like, 98% sure, because everyone has that 2% right? Right. Right... I'm apparently not cool enough, or not wired right to be attracted to people other than cismales with the standard set of equipped biological parts. There is the rarest of exceptions, i mean, i can count on one hand the number of genderqueer, non-gender-typical, or female identifying folks i'd like to naked and have orgasms with, but that is not my norm and it is certinly not what runs on my uh... Internal hard drive, if you get my drift. Someone once asked me "what really turns you on, Jaine?" And... It was a painful realization when i'd realized i'd never actually spent any time thinking about specific things that got me going. I had some basic things that i enjoyed but i'd never thought about it. That's when i realized it; all of my fantasies involved being over powered by men. Specifically cismen, specifically males larger in size than me....

Nothing is inherently bad about Tuesdays, don't get me wrong. They follow Mondays, precede Wednesdays, you know, the usual. Tuesdays are Daddy's date night with his Mistress. Tuesdays were my date night too, but not anymore it seems, for a list of reasons that shouldn't be as complicated as it is. I've been looking for another relationship in all the wrong places, People who aren't comfortable with poly, people who aren't emotionally available. People who aren't into BDSM. I wanted to put what i was actually looking for in a concise, easy to read format. Also, i always wanted to talk about what i could offer in a relationship, because they're two way streets you know. What am i looking for anyway? I guess the easiest label to put on it is secondary... Only because i have a primary. Kamm (Daddy) and live together and plan on getting married. While we may be looking for room mates in the near future, i'm not necessarily looking fo...

If Dan Savage has taught me anything, it's that people cheat and really it is something that we should all kind of get over. I understand, if you make a monogamous commitment you should keep it, but people are people and people make mistakes. People cheat for all kinds of reasons. Your spouse and you are in a sexless marriage and you still have a sex drive (which is not something you should be ashamed about). Your spouse has some sort of condition that makes sex painful, embarrassing or downright unfeasible. You have kids and you don't want to leave your significant other because other than the lack of sex, the marriage works. You no longer have intimacy in your relationship and you crave it, like any sane human being. I get it. I completely understand. I don't really think people that stray or cheat are terrible human beings. BUT.... I refuse to closet myself. Being your "behind closed doors" kind of girl is in absolutely no way appealing...

I've had a lot of people, anyone from close friends to new acquaintances ask me about how Kamm and i manage a successful poly relationship. I can't help but smirk, at least on the inside because i don't consider myself successfully polyamours. SHOCKER. I know, read on, there is a good explanation. I consider myself functionally non monogamous. This is about my relationships with non monogamy, i will try to get Kamm to write something as well. This will have a lot of me/i in it. This is because the best way for me to educate others is to talk about my experiences, things i know inside and out. For most people, either you are open to non monogamy, or you aren't. People who are predisposed to non monogamy can make monogamous commitments and keep them, but they may not necessarily be ecstatic about it. It's about self control. This is not what this writing is about. Basic Points; Non monogamy really isn't *that* much more different than monogamy, it...

Someone linked this on fetlife and I started browsing through it and thought it was fantastic.   Since my goal for this blog is for it to be resource over anything else, I'm going to post their original text along with all the fun links. All the original article can be found here; SexGeek Blog .  I will go back through and add my commentary in a later entry but this was too good of information not to spread along. As usual, orange text is direct quote, the red and bold emphasis is from the original article. “Polyamory is grad school relationship. It’s for grownups only. If you can’t yet bring yourself to communicate honestly with your partner about everything that goes wrong….and don’t wait too long after it goes wrong, and don’t lay on guilt when you bring it up, then don’t do it. Stay monogamous. Polyamory is not the place to work out your neuroses, any more than running a marathon is the best way to exercise your recently-broken and healing ankle.” - Raven Kalde...