I'm pretty sure i'm straight. Like, 98% sure, because everyone has that 2% right? Right. Right... I'm apparently not cool enough, or not wired right to be attracted to people other than cismales with the standard set of equipped biological parts. There is the rarest of exceptions, i mean, i can count on one hand the number of genderqueer, non-gender-typical, or female identifying folks i'd like to naked and have orgasms with, but that is not my norm and it is certinly not what runs on my uh... Internal hard drive, if you get my drift.
Someone once asked me "what really turns you on, Jaine?" And... It was a painful realization when i'd realized i'd never actually spent any time thinking about specific things that got me going. I had some basic things that i enjoyed but i'd never thought about it.
That's when i realized it; all of my fantasies involved being over powered by men. Specifically cismen, specifically males larger in size than me. Guys that could pick me up and over power me with one arm tied behind their backs. With my entry into BDSM over a year ago, i've been able to specify things a lot more which has helped me figure out what i want out of BDSM and other sex in general. It's like seeing something really hazy really far away and as you walk closer to it, it becomes more clear.
Things i used to be terrified of now turn me on. I think it's because i thought i was terrified, but a lot of my ...uh kinks are really tied together.
Consensual non-consent and rape play aren't that different. Fear play is a part of consensual non-consent and rape play. Knife play involves fear play, especially with the way i like to have my knife scenes go. Over-powerment is a part of rape play. See, circles? All parts of one another. But none of the parts involve anything female bodied or neutral bodied. All male bodied. All of my one-on-one sexual encounters have been with male partners because i choose them. I've done group stuff too and had sex with non-male-bodied persons but i need a minimum dick ratio.
I don't do a lot of FMF's for Kamm because i'm not really attracted to women. And people put a lot of emphasis on that, you know? Kamm has never done that, but when we were swingers there was a lot of it and it made me really uncomfortable. Everyone always expected women to be bisexual (nothing else, just perfectly bisexual) oh and willing to just play with a couple herself. -.- That's been addressed in other writings before.
Anyway, i've been thinking about for a while now. I was sort of ashamed of it, having to admit that i'm most likely straight even though i prefer just go shrug and think about something else, my personal orientation isn't that important in the scheme of things. No one's orientation really is. Just find something or someone compatible. That's more important, or at least in theory.
Thoughts?
Someone once asked me "what really turns you on, Jaine?" And... It was a painful realization when i'd realized i'd never actually spent any time thinking about specific things that got me going. I had some basic things that i enjoyed but i'd never thought about it.
That's when i realized it; all of my fantasies involved being over powered by men. Specifically cismen, specifically males larger in size than me. Guys that could pick me up and over power me with one arm tied behind their backs. With my entry into BDSM over a year ago, i've been able to specify things a lot more which has helped me figure out what i want out of BDSM and other sex in general. It's like seeing something really hazy really far away and as you walk closer to it, it becomes more clear.
Things i used to be terrified of now turn me on. I think it's because i thought i was terrified, but a lot of my ...uh kinks are really tied together.
Consensual non-consent and rape play aren't that different. Fear play is a part of consensual non-consent and rape play. Knife play involves fear play, especially with the way i like to have my knife scenes go. Over-powerment is a part of rape play. See, circles? All parts of one another. But none of the parts involve anything female bodied or neutral bodied. All male bodied. All of my one-on-one sexual encounters have been with male partners because i choose them. I've done group stuff too and had sex with non-male-bodied persons but i need a minimum dick ratio.
I don't do a lot of FMF's for Kamm because i'm not really attracted to women. And people put a lot of emphasis on that, you know? Kamm has never done that, but when we were swingers there was a lot of it and it made me really uncomfortable. Everyone always expected women to be bisexual (nothing else, just perfectly bisexual) oh and willing to just play with a couple herself. -.- That's been addressed in other writings before.
Anyway, i've been thinking about for a while now. I was sort of ashamed of it, having to admit that i'm most likely straight even though i prefer just go shrug and think about something else, my personal orientation isn't that important in the scheme of things. No one's orientation really is. Just find something or someone compatible. That's more important, or at least in theory.
Thoughts?
Your ... shall we say orientation? ... corresponds closely with that of Mrs. AP. Very few women have made her stop and ponder doing sexy things with. All time, I have of 3 who have. Only 1 still does. Sometimes.
ReplyDeleteBecause Mrs. AP knows that the ability to feel drawn to another woman exists but is remarkably low, she feels the label "partially heteroflexible" is the most accurate for her. Explaining that one, though, is almost never worth the trouble among people not well versed in the fluidity of gender/sex/orientation dynamics, so she just claims straight in vanilla company.
I think our dynamism enables us to accept, reject, or change personal labels as best befits our needs. So you're straight, or mostly straight, or potentially heteroflexible, or whatever. As long as you're good with being you, labels are effectively irrelevant internally.
Stay SINful
Mr. AP
Mr. AP, you are the best. :) Thank you for your thoughtful, insightful words. They are always appreciated.
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