Big Coyote Energy

[Originally published on 1/27/18] I.. Try to be fairly transparent in how I operate and how I interact with others. Whenever someone tries to put me on a pedestal, I usually just calmly tell them that I'm just an asshole with a cigar. I have a wide knowledge base, and a lot of experiences. I take those things and talk to other people about them, like cigar play, bootblacking or pet play. Sometimes I stop talking about certain things. Like with polyamory. I used to teach classes on poly. Since I no longer identify as poly, I feel like it's incredibly wrong of me to teach on that subject. Yes I've got a lot of experience (7+ years worth) and lots of suggestions and tips, but I don't have the emotional energy to talk about it at length with strangers. I have no passion for it, no drive. It's a subject best left to those practicing or identifying as poly. I've pulled my poly classes from my teaching list. After my long-term-partner and I broke up, I was ac...

* Note: This post is actually about 7 months old *  I've looked everywhere. In my drawers, under the bed, in the closet. In my car. My backpack. It's no where to be found, my extra love. Sure I love people in my life, a lot of them. I'm blessed enough to have found a group of amazing, incredible, resilient, supportive people. But... I'm not polyamorous. I've tried, I've had good poly relationships, I've been in them, dated poly people, I've taught classes, etc. But right now in my current place in life, that is not for me. That's not a slight against poly people in my life, I will always admire you and how you handle things, but for me, for now, I think I want mostly monogamy. Certainly emotionally, probably physically. I'm still hammering that one out. How that ends up will be after a long discussion with Silver. We currently, intentionally, don't have labels on what we're doing, which leaves me a free agent to do as I wish. If ...

*Note this writing was originally written over a year ago* Spoiler alert: I don't think I know how to date. Outside the scene, or inside of it. Especially inside of it. I've had a large number of negative experiences with poly, or non-monogamy in general. Veto power is pretty much a no-go for me at this point. I don't want to get involved with anyone with at least one additional serious relationship because I don't feel like there is any room for me within the relationship. Poly is not all fun and games. I'm not a unicorn. I don't want to date your; wife, girlfriend, partner or submissive. I don't want to be a triad or a V. I don't want to compete for attention or love or time. I am  super  over that right now. The local area here seems to be super into casual play or party-only play, but nothing more serious. I can't do casual kink. I've tried. It's where I've had my consent violated, multiple times. It's left me feeling repla...

I know I haven't written in a long time. Longer than my typical winter hiatus. My usual break is caused by the usual work and holiday clusterfuck, no personal time, mandatory work over time. This break was partly caused by that, and mostly caused by something else; people being cowards. People not handling their own shit. Me not being able to speak for myself, or just not realizing fast enough. I thought something was wrong with me, for a long time. Maybe I was too queer, or too queer looking. Or too fat. Or not sexual enough. Or too sexual. Or a bad partner. Or ugly. Or my hair was too short.  Or my house wasn't nice enough..  Or especially, that the kind of play I'm into and the kinks I have aren't ok and I should feel bad for being into them. That was a really big one... I'm not saying these things because I need reassurance or support in not thinking them. I'm saying them because this is the part of relationships people don't talk about. I don't ...

Warning: You're entering an area where verbal diarrhea is located. It's December 27th and i'm still alive. For the past two years, from November 30th through approximately December 20th i have been unable to focus. Work takes up almost all of my time (hell 22+ hours of overtime per pay period). I can't focus on any of my hobbies or friends. I've barely got time to feed the cats and clean the geckos. Their cages are all clean now, except for one food painter who needs hers cleaned again. Animals man, animals. Getting sick absolutely sucked and i'm glad im better. Flu is no bueno. I'll be getting a flu shot soon. Maybe today! Since i'm not sick anymore and you shouldn't get vaccinated for shits when you're sick. #Immunofails. This year has been weird. Starting around July with crazy panic attacks related to my parents and my coming out process to them. That has thankfully been an easier and better process than i could have hoped for. My paren...

Yesterday i came out (about non-monogamy) to one of my parents (my Mom, as she has always been the more supportive and rational parent, not to knock my Dad, but him and i are the same kind of stubborn, so when we butt heads it's like two donkeys sort of just kicking each other. One is just a little younger and smaller than the other one. It often takes my Mom to sort out things between us, though it's been years since she last had to play that role). This is a small entry, but i thought it was important to make. I am thinking about writing her an email, just to explain and clarify a few things (a lot of stuff in my life suddenly made a lot more sense to her). My catalyst for coming out was the stress i was putting on them. I love my parents. They do a lot for me. I never want to cause them stress or heartache. My secretiveness, lack of desire to open up and really bring them into my life was upsetting my Mother. This is apparently been a problem since i was kid. Not surprisin...

I'm pretty sure i'm straight. Like, 98% sure, because everyone has that 2% right? Right. Right... I'm apparently not cool enough, or not wired right to be attracted to people other than cismales with the standard set of equipped biological parts. There is the rarest of exceptions, i mean, i can count on one hand the number of genderqueer, non-gender-typical, or female identifying folks i'd like to naked and have orgasms with, but that is not my norm and it is certinly not what runs on my uh... Internal hard drive, if you get my drift. Someone once asked me "what really turns you on, Jaine?" And... It was a painful realization when i'd realized i'd never actually spent any time thinking about specific things that got me going. I had some basic things that i enjoyed but i'd never thought about it. That's when i realized it; all of my fantasies involved being over powered by men. Specifically cismen, specifically males larger in size than me....

As someone in a poly relationship, i hear all the time about how important communication and honesty is. It's beaten into our heads over and over again. "Problem? Talk about it." Sure, it makes sense, it's logical, it's what people should do. So then, why do people have such a hard time being honest? I'm going to say this very plainly. The truth is always better than a lie. As far as i'm concerned anyway. Just be honest, especially with your friends. This isn't always about romantic relationships, poly or otherwise. Friendships, play partnerships, they're all types of relationships. Don't want to hang out? Awesome. Say so. Don't make excuses. I get that people are busy, or have things to do, or are feeling not too social that day. Don't want to fuck? Awesome. Say so. Don't leave me wondering if i'm some sort of sexual predator because you say that you want to get intimate and because I trust you, I believe y...

Nothing is inherently bad about Tuesdays, don't get me wrong. They follow Mondays, precede Wednesdays, you know, the usual. Tuesdays are Daddy's date night with his Mistress. Tuesdays were my date night too, but not anymore it seems, for a list of reasons that shouldn't be as complicated as it is. I've been looking for another relationship in all the wrong places, People who aren't comfortable with poly, people who aren't emotionally available. People who aren't into BDSM. I wanted to put what i was actually looking for in a concise, easy to read format. Also, i always wanted to talk about what i could offer in a relationship, because they're two way streets you know. What am i looking for anyway? I guess the easiest label to put on it is secondary... Only because i have a primary. Kamm (Daddy) and live together and plan on getting married. While we may be looking for room mates in the near future, i'm not necessarily looking fo...

If Dan Savage has taught me anything, it's that people cheat and really it is something that we should all kind of get over. I understand, if you make a monogamous commitment you should keep it, but people are people and people make mistakes. People cheat for all kinds of reasons. Your spouse and you are in a sexless marriage and you still have a sex drive (which is not something you should be ashamed about). Your spouse has some sort of condition that makes sex painful, embarrassing or downright unfeasible. You have kids and you don't want to leave your significant other because other than the lack of sex, the marriage works. You no longer have intimacy in your relationship and you crave it, like any sane human being. I get it. I completely understand. I don't really think people that stray or cheat are terrible human beings. BUT.... I refuse to closet myself. Being your "behind closed doors" kind of girl is in absolutely no way appealing...

I've had a lot of people, anyone from close friends to new acquaintances ask me about how Kamm and i manage a successful poly relationship. I can't help but smirk, at least on the inside because i don't consider myself successfully polyamours. SHOCKER. I know, read on, there is a good explanation. I consider myself functionally non monogamous. This is about my relationships with non monogamy, i will try to get Kamm to write something as well. This will have a lot of me/i in it. This is because the best way for me to educate others is to talk about my experiences, things i know inside and out. For most people, either you are open to non monogamy, or you aren't. People who are predisposed to non monogamy can make monogamous commitments and keep them, but they may not necessarily be ecstatic about it. It's about self control. This is not what this writing is about. Basic Points; Non monogamy really isn't *that* much more different than monogamy, it...

This will be geared more towards swingers out of default I suppose.  I don't know a whole lot of dedicated kinksters that go unicorn hunting but this will help anyone looking for their mythical bisexual single female. What is a unicorn? The term unicorn generally refers to a single bisexual female that is always down for a FMF (female/male/female) threesome. The reason these women have been assigned the name of a mystical creature is because very few of them exist and they are difficult to find.  Generally, "unicorns" will "love" or "be into" both halves of the couple equally and be a perfect 3 on the kinsey scale (or exactly bisexual). How do we find a unicorn? Finding a unicorn is difficult. The reason for this is simple supply and demand. There are less single bi females looking for couples than there are couples looking for SBF (single bi females).  Unicorns have the pick of the litter as far as sexual partner(s) go.  They exercise that choice...

Someone linked this on fetlife and I started browsing through it and thought it was fantastic.   Since my goal for this blog is for it to be resource over anything else, I'm going to post their original text along with all the fun links. All the original article can be found here; SexGeek Blog .  I will go back through and add my commentary in a later entry but this was too good of information not to spread along. As usual, orange text is direct quote, the red and bold emphasis is from the original article. “Polyamory is grad school relationship. It’s for grownups only. If you can’t yet bring yourself to communicate honestly with your partner about everything that goes wrong….and don’t wait too long after it goes wrong, and don’t lay on guilt when you bring it up, then don’t do it. Stay monogamous. Polyamory is not the place to work out your neuroses, any more than running a marathon is the best way to exercise your recently-broken and healing ankle.” - Raven Kalde...