Skip to main content

How do we navigate this crazy world?

*Note this writing was originally written over a year ago*

Spoiler alert: I don't think I know how to date. Outside the scene, or inside of it. Especially inside of it.
I've had a large number of negative experiences with poly, or non-monogamy in general. Veto power is pretty much a no-go for me at this point. I don't want to get involved with anyone with at least one additional serious relationship because I don't feel like there is any room for me within the relationship. Poly is not all fun and games. I'm not a unicorn. I don't want to date your; wife, girlfriend, partner or submissive. I don't want to be a triad or a V. I don't want to compete for attention or love or time. I am super over that right now.
The local area here seems to be super into casual play or party-only play, but nothing more serious. I can't do casual kink. I've tried. It's where I've had my consent violated, multiple times. It's left me feeling replaceable. Like anyone with my same body make up could be replaced in the scene and the person I was playing with would feel the exact same way. I stopped doing pick up play. Since I've lost or broken up with all my partners, essentially, I haven't really played at all.
I value connection over novelty, and I honestly do not know how to find it. I love my friends that do these elaborate, amazing scenes where everyone laughs and has a great time. I can't really do those.
I feel like my only option to find a partner who isn't already polysaturated, and local, is to date outside of the scene and then hope I can get that person into kink later. It's exhausting.
How do you do it?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

DOSC21: On Coyotes, Collars and Camp.

 Yes this is a camp writing, just bear with me.  I haven’t tagged people because I haven’t gotten permission, so if you ID yourselves or want me to specify you, let me know and I will include you <3  [ **Content warning: loss/loneliness/grief/depression]** --- I keep no secrets on my identifier as a coyote. Something that has started to make more and more sense as time passes. I’ve been using a coyote or coyote hybrid as a personal character of mine for at least 15 years, probably a lot longer if I actually go do the math. Originally, I picked Coyote as my inner creature because I didn’t feel powerful or magestic enough to be a wolf or other distinguished canine. I knew I wasn’t meant to be a dog, domesticated and immersed in service and obedience. A coyote always seemed to fit. Not a large and powerful predator, but a predator all the same. Adaptable and curious, and a spectacular example of duality. Coyote mythos shows a creature who learns lesson after lesson at the...
Post a Comment
Read more

The deep end

Warning: edge play of all varieties mentioned. If it isn't your thing, i'd suggest turning back now. I think it's time i've accepted a few labels for myself; masochist, edge player, sick-fuck. Sexual guilt is actually something i've never dealt with before. I've always been very "on my own terms." I lost my virginity at 17 to a boy i really loved because we decided it was a good time for us (he was a virgin too, and a year younger than me). It was a good experience and we were together for a long time but i knew it wouldn't be forever. We're still friends to this day, he's pretty cool. I went through a "slut phase" in college because i felt like it and wanted to. My sexual partners (at the time) were all really cool about it. I had my first MFM threesome and OTHER people were so mad! How dare i let them take advantage of me! ...Excuse me? It was my fucking idea. We were sitting in a hot tub, chilling out (we may have been dr...
2 comments
Read more

early updates

Fixed up the logo and tossed it on a few shirts in spreadshirt (link at the bottom of the page). I love how it looks now. Fun fact about the name "erotic wet atomic" it wasn't originally sexual in nature. The words erotic wet atomic are actually from Eve6 lyrics. The Moar You Knowwww******** One internets to those who know which song.
Post a Comment
Read more