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How do we navigate this crazy world?

*Note this writing was originally written over a year ago*

Spoiler alert: I don't think I know how to date. Outside the scene, or inside of it. Especially inside of it.
I've had a large number of negative experiences with poly, or non-monogamy in general. Veto power is pretty much a no-go for me at this point. I don't want to get involved with anyone with at least one additional serious relationship because I don't feel like there is any room for me within the relationship. Poly is not all fun and games. I'm not a unicorn. I don't want to date your; wife, girlfriend, partner or submissive. I don't want to be a triad or a V. I don't want to compete for attention or love or time. I am super over that right now.
The local area here seems to be super into casual play or party-only play, but nothing more serious. I can't do casual kink. I've tried. It's where I've had my consent violated, multiple times. It's left me feeling replaceable. Like anyone with my same body make up could be replaced in the scene and the person I was playing with would feel the exact same way. I stopped doing pick up play. Since I've lost or broken up with all my partners, essentially, I haven't really played at all.
I value connection over novelty, and I honestly do not know how to find it. I love my friends that do these elaborate, amazing scenes where everyone laughs and has a great time. I can't really do those.
I feel like my only option to find a partner who isn't already polysaturated, and local, is to date outside of the scene and then hope I can get that person into kink later. It's exhausting.
How do you do it?
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