Big Coyote Energy

I know I haven't written in a long time. Longer than my typical winter hiatus. My usual break is caused by the usual work and holiday clusterfuck, no personal time, mandatory work over time. This break was partly caused by that, and mostly caused by something else; people being cowards. People not handling their own shit. Me not being able to speak for myself, or just not realizing fast enough. I thought something was wrong with me, for a long time. Maybe I was too queer, or too queer looking. Or too fat. Or not sexual enough. Or too sexual. Or a bad partner. Or ugly. Or my hair was too short.  Or my house wasn't nice enough..  Or especially, that the kind of play I'm into and the kinks I have aren't ok and I should feel bad for being into them. That was a really big one... I'm not saying these things because I need reassurance or support in not thinking them. I'm saying them because this is the part of relationships people don't talk about. I don't ...

It's been 19 days since I accepted that someone important to me no longer seemed to want me in their life. I'm still not sure what happened and I'm still not sure what to do about it, so for now that is on the back burner. This person has their own things to deal with right now and at the moment I don't think I'm comfortable being part of that.   I'm upset, hurt, and angry that I allowed someone I trusted so deeply to blindside me like this. But I've worked through a lot of my feelings, the remainder are being sorted slowly, with a lot of backsliding and a lot of hesitnacy. I learned a lot. About myself. About how to interact with people, about how to listen to my gut when it says "hey, this thing seems werid, maybe you shouldn't do it." There was a lot of that. I may be done bending over backwards to please other people and that kills me. I may only offer that compersion if I find it being returned.  I have to work to be able to give o...

Yesterday i came out (about non-monogamy) to one of my parents (my Mom, as she has always been the more supportive and rational parent, not to knock my Dad, but him and i are the same kind of stubborn, so when we butt heads it's like two donkeys sort of just kicking each other. One is just a little younger and smaller than the other one. It often takes my Mom to sort out things between us, though it's been years since she last had to play that role). This is a small entry, but i thought it was important to make. I am thinking about writing her an email, just to explain and clarify a few things (a lot of stuff in my life suddenly made a lot more sense to her). My catalyst for coming out was the stress i was putting on them. I love my parents. They do a lot for me. I never want to cause them stress or heartache. My secretiveness, lack of desire to open up and really bring them into my life was upsetting my Mother. This is apparently been a problem since i was kid. Not surprisin...

I'm pretty sure i'm straight. Like, 98% sure, because everyone has that 2% right? Right. Right... I'm apparently not cool enough, or not wired right to be attracted to people other than cismales with the standard set of equipped biological parts. There is the rarest of exceptions, i mean, i can count on one hand the number of genderqueer, non-gender-typical, or female identifying folks i'd like to naked and have orgasms with, but that is not my norm and it is certinly not what runs on my uh... Internal hard drive, if you get my drift. Someone once asked me "what really turns you on, Jaine?" And... It was a painful realization when i'd realized i'd never actually spent any time thinking about specific things that got me going. I had some basic things that i enjoyed but i'd never thought about it. That's when i realized it; all of my fantasies involved being over powered by men. Specifically cismen, specifically males larger in size than me....

As someone in a poly relationship, i hear all the time about how important communication and honesty is. It's beaten into our heads over and over again. "Problem? Talk about it." Sure, it makes sense, it's logical, it's what people should do. So then, why do people have such a hard time being honest? I'm going to say this very plainly. The truth is always better than a lie. As far as i'm concerned anyway. Just be honest, especially with your friends. This isn't always about romantic relationships, poly or otherwise. Friendships, play partnerships, they're all types of relationships. Don't want to hang out? Awesome. Say so. Don't make excuses. I get that people are busy, or have things to do, or are feeling not too social that day. Don't want to fuck? Awesome. Say so. Don't leave me wondering if i'm some sort of sexual predator because you say that you want to get intimate and because I trust you, I believe y...

Nothing is inherently bad about Tuesdays, don't get me wrong. They follow Mondays, precede Wednesdays, you know, the usual. Tuesdays are Daddy's date night with his Mistress. Tuesdays were my date night too, but not anymore it seems, for a list of reasons that shouldn't be as complicated as it is. I've been looking for another relationship in all the wrong places, People who aren't comfortable with poly, people who aren't emotionally available. People who aren't into BDSM. I wanted to put what i was actually looking for in a concise, easy to read format. Also, i always wanted to talk about what i could offer in a relationship, because they're two way streets you know. What am i looking for anyway? I guess the easiest label to put on it is secondary... Only because i have a primary. Kamm (Daddy) and live together and plan on getting married. While we may be looking for room mates in the near future, i'm not necessarily looking fo...

If Dan Savage has taught me anything, it's that people cheat and really it is something that we should all kind of get over. I understand, if you make a monogamous commitment you should keep it, but people are people and people make mistakes. People cheat for all kinds of reasons. Your spouse and you are in a sexless marriage and you still have a sex drive (which is not something you should be ashamed about). Your spouse has some sort of condition that makes sex painful, embarrassing or downright unfeasible. You have kids and you don't want to leave your significant other because other than the lack of sex, the marriage works. You no longer have intimacy in your relationship and you crave it, like any sane human being. I get it. I completely understand. I don't really think people that stray or cheat are terrible human beings. BUT.... I refuse to closet myself. Being your "behind closed doors" kind of girl is in absolutely no way appealing...

Seriously. I'm going to start actually looking for another romantic relationship. I am not looking to replace my relationship with Kamm, at all, but i would like a secondary partner. For the past year i've wanted it. I looked for it in FormerlyThor and that isn't a reality that would work for either of us unfortunately. As much as i wish it could be. I figured i'd speak about it, since i think Kamm is the only one thats really known this except for CurtisMercury whom i believe i've spoken to it about. I seem to have exceptionally good luck with switchy tattooed military boys who like to put me in my place... Or sadistic kinksters. Switch/top/dominant; not all the time but for me. I'm not really sure i could be fulfilled in a relationship with someone who would also want to be submissive with me. D/s play is almost integral for a relationship for me at this point in time. I am a submissive, i don't top or switch. I would be very open to...

I've had a lot of people, anyone from close friends to new acquaintances ask me about how Kamm and i manage a successful poly relationship. I can't help but smirk, at least on the inside because i don't consider myself successfully polyamours. SHOCKER. I know, read on, there is a good explanation. I consider myself functionally non monogamous. This is about my relationships with non monogamy, i will try to get Kamm to write something as well. This will have a lot of me/i in it. This is because the best way for me to educate others is to talk about my experiences, things i know inside and out. For most people, either you are open to non monogamy, or you aren't. People who are predisposed to non monogamy can make monogamous commitments and keep them, but they may not necessarily be ecstatic about it. It's about self control. This is not what this writing is about. Basic Points; Non monogamy really isn't *that* much more different than monogamy, it...

This will be geared more towards swingers out of default I suppose.  I don't know a whole lot of dedicated kinksters that go unicorn hunting but this will help anyone looking for their mythical bisexual single female. What is a unicorn? The term unicorn generally refers to a single bisexual female that is always down for a FMF (female/male/female) threesome. The reason these women have been assigned the name of a mystical creature is because very few of them exist and they are difficult to find.  Generally, "unicorns" will "love" or "be into" both halves of the couple equally and be a perfect 3 on the kinsey scale (or exactly bisexual). How do we find a unicorn? Finding a unicorn is difficult. The reason for this is simple supply and demand. There are less single bi females looking for couples than there are couples looking for SBF (single bi females).  Unicorns have the pick of the litter as far as sexual partner(s) go.  They exercise that choice...

Someone linked this on fetlife and I started browsing through it and thought it was fantastic.   Since my goal for this blog is for it to be resource over anything else, I'm going to post their original text along with all the fun links. All the original article can be found here; SexGeek Blog .  I will go back through and add my commentary in a later entry but this was too good of information not to spread along. As usual, orange text is direct quote, the red and bold emphasis is from the original article. “Polyamory is grad school relationship. It’s for grownups only. If you can’t yet bring yourself to communicate honestly with your partner about everything that goes wrong….and don’t wait too long after it goes wrong, and don’t lay on guilt when you bring it up, then don’t do it. Stay monogamous. Polyamory is not the place to work out your neuroses, any more than running a marathon is the best way to exercise your recently-broken and healing ankle.” - Raven Kalde...