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Who gives a fuck if I masturbate?

I get that male sexuality is something to be embraced. Guys start playing with themselves from the time they figure out they have something "down there." Us vagina-havers aren't always so familiar with our bodies. This is certainly something that should change if you are comfortable with the idea of masturbation.  Everyone loves orgasms, bla bla bla.

That said. I don't really masturbate. I don't like it. It's like a chore for me. Masturbation is the last option before insanity for me. There is a reason for this and it has taken me years to figure out.

Sex is an experience for me. Sex is something i do with someone else (or a few someone elses). Masturbation is something i do, to myself. There is no one else. Either i make up the fantasy or nothing happens. Either i dominate myself, or nothing happens. Honestly, nothing is better in most cases. I am incapable of dominating myself. I'm a submissive, dammit.

There is very little difference to me between doing the dishes and masturbating. I have to do prep for both, clean up for both, they're both the same level of satisfying. (Yes i like when my kitchen is clean). The difference between masturbation and sex is like the dollar store bottle rocket and the 4th of July spectacular at National Mall. One of those things is obviously much cooler than the other. One is exciting, and riveting and has my full attention. The other one, not so much. Sure the first one takes time and effort but it is well worth it.

If i want to hold out for sex, that is my prerogative and i'll most likely go ahead and do that. Please don't shame me about it.

Thanks.

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I can't remember how to get out of this cage.

I just got done crying, because I got looped into an angry masturbation session, jacking it to things I shouldn't have been looking at [not a good bunch of erotica for me to read] anyway, and then needed to cum twice. I wanted to feel something other than the way I've been feeling for the past month. I should be asleep because I took the horse tranquilizer over an hour ago. It's hard. I've had "problems" for 4 weeks and I'm super fucking done with it. I can't imagine how people live like this. I'm a poor chronic pain candidate. Exceptionally poor. For those of you catching up: car accident, seatbelt failure, whiplash [pretty gnarly] and a much more severe concussion than first presented. I can generally deal with the body pain. As long as it's not whatever happened to me on a week ago. Where the pain was so bad both myself and my doctor feared I'd torn my rotator cuff entirely. I suddenly couldn't lift my right arm above my he...