Big Coyote Energy

 Yes this is a camp writing, just bear with me.  I haven’t tagged people because I haven’t gotten permission, so if you ID yourselves or want me to specify you, let me know and I will include you <3  [ **Content warning: loss/loneliness/grief/depression]** --- I keep no secrets on my identifier as a coyote. Something that has started to make more and more sense as time passes. I’ve been using a coyote or coyote hybrid as a personal character of mine for at least 15 years, probably a lot longer if I actually go do the math. Originally, I picked Coyote as my inner creature because I didn’t feel powerful or magestic enough to be a wolf or other distinguished canine. I knew I wasn’t meant to be a dog, domesticated and immersed in service and obedience. A coyote always seemed to fit. Not a large and powerful predator, but a predator all the same. Adaptable and curious, and a spectacular example of duality. Coyote mythos shows a creature who learns lesson after lesson at the...

 I was crying in my sleep again. I was crying when I woke up.  --- If you’re looking for a fun, sexy, kinky writing, this is not it. I won’t blame anyone for opting out 30 seconds or even half way through. I just.. Feel like I need to get this out, or else I’ll be doomed to keep talking about it individually (or just shutting down) with people and I don’t have the energy for that.  This is full of trauma, and parental death.  I think.. I just want people to understand why.. I’m a mess.  Or why my memory is terrible. Or why I’m in so much pain. Or why I’m so sad. Or why I’m not at X thing. Or why I’m quiet. Or why I lose time. Or forget people.  I’m gonna try a time line bullet list.. I’m NOT looking for ANY kind of suggestions for how to deal with any of this. **NO ADVICE. NONE**. I don’t even know if I’ll go re-read this or do anything past read comments once. I might even delete it. WHO KNOWS. I’m not making any promises. **Don’t PM me about it**.  -...