I want to do so much, and have the energy for so little.
Kinking with a concussion is serious bad news bears. In fact, existing at all is a struggle. I registered for RambleGrue at the same time I registered for DO Summer Camp, before the concussion.
I didn't imagine myself playing much, if at all at Grue, which turned out to be true, but okay. I've come to accept I have limitations and the concussion business makes it hard to remember things and does things in my brain that make play difficult. My pain tolerance sucks because I'm so tired all the time, or my brain gets caught up on things it has no business thinking about ---the brain weasels. So I'd mostly taken play off the table. What I did want to exercise and experience were a few things;
- Experience GRUE.
- My right to exist in the world as a complex human being.
- Using my words to ask for the things I wanted.
- Try to come to a place of peace with how I've been feeling in the universe.
I really, really enjoyed my first GRUE. To the point I'm eyeballing ColumbusGRUE with some serious consideration. I feel like, when I'm better, the lack of specific planning may cause me some anxiety issues, but I'll deal with them. I was able to find just the right things to do or be at at GRUE for my brain. Periods of intense braining/thinking/speaking/managing were followed by meals with friends or low brain power activities. Important discussions were had with groups of strangers, and everyone was phenomenal. We talked about consent. We talked about inebriants. [Notes from that discussion will be up soon]. I introduced Cinna to other stuffies, he made friends. I connected with friends and either had, or witnessed several important, deep, conversations. I held space for people, I had space held for me. I made new friends and got to know ready-known friends better. This event was really great. I was so happy to be able to get to visit camp one more time before the end of the season, where I didn't have to work. I didn't have to mange people. I could just be, and do.
Literally, right before I left with a friend to come to GRUE, I saw a neurologist and was diagnosed with "post concussion syndrome" which is essentially a concussion that just won't quit. So if my concussion were anything else,it would be super successful and great. But since it isn't, it sucks and two months later is still causing me serious problems.
I used my words...Or texts to ask two people about doing things. So yay for me.
As for the last one. I'm not sure I achieved that. I spent a lot of time reflecting on things. Myself, my home life, my friends. How I do a lot of things. It was incredibly peaceful, Sunday night, going out into the field infant of 19 and sitting in my camp chair staring up at the stars and feeling a sense of peace that I haven't felt in a while.
I might add more to this.
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