Big Coyote Energy

Hey guys, if you like my blog, could you vote for it on Kinkly's top list of sex bloggers for 2014? I would really appreciate it :)

I was asked to put this in a writing: There was more of this that I wanted to address, but people have already gotten there. The one thing that is missing is this: These people are not healthy. Even if it is consensual. Consent doesn't make it OK to do harm. This is another way to say "bottoms have no agency." Or "bottoms are damaged people." STOP IT. JUST STOP. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Consent is exactly what makes it okay to do harm. Stop telling people that consent isn't enough. Because if consent is not enough than we are not adults and have no right to partake in any of this. I'm upset and frustrated at this train of thought being continued. It's been MONTHS of this; Bottoms can't consent. Bottoms can't this, or can't that. Bottoms are damaged people. Etc, etc, etc. Consent is what we do. Consent is what we deal with. If you aren't ok with someone else giving consent for an act, then you know what you do?...

I'm generally pretty good about dictating or negotiation my regular interactions with others. Sometimes I'm huggy, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I prefer a handshake, sometimes I want a kiss. I communicate these needs if you're someone I routinely interact with related to them. Close friends I'm generally ok with being hugged by. I will let you know if this is not the case (like if I've got a busted rib or other injury). Or if I just don't want to be glomped when arriving at an event. I don't like to be touched intimately by people I don't know well. It's not you, it's just how I am.  I'm generally very ok with these interactions but there is one thing I need to speak up about because I say something about it over and over again. Spanking me is a hard limit. I don't like spanking. I can't process spanking. For the love of whatever god is your homeboy, DO NOT SPANK ME OUTSIDE OF A SCENE.  Don't spank me when I'm o...

It's been 19 days since I accepted that someone important to me no longer seemed to want me in their life. I'm still not sure what happened and I'm still not sure what to do about it, so for now that is on the back burner. This person has their own things to deal with right now and at the moment I don't think I'm comfortable being part of that.   I'm upset, hurt, and angry that I allowed someone I trusted so deeply to blindside me like this. But I've worked through a lot of my feelings, the remainder are being sorted slowly, with a lot of backsliding and a lot of hesitnacy. I learned a lot. About myself. About how to interact with people, about how to listen to my gut when it says "hey, this thing seems werid, maybe you shouldn't do it." There was a lot of that. I may be done bending over backwards to please other people and that kills me. I may only offer that compersion if I find it being returned.  I have to work to be able to give o...