Big Coyote Energy

Plumbat is a friend of mine and her words on 50 SoG sum up my thoughts and feelings perfectly. You can read her full blog entry here , I would highly recommend it.  The relationship between the two main characters is abusive. It’s characterized by manipulation, misuse of power, emotional coercion, and disregard for consent. Christian Gray is a goddamn textbook on how to be a terrible dominant and a terrible partner in general. It’s a travesty that their relationship is being portrayed as a romance, rather than as a cautionary tale.

I know I haven't written in a long time. Longer than my typical winter hiatus. My usual break is caused by the usual work and holiday clusterfuck, no personal time, mandatory work over time. This break was partly caused by that, and mostly caused by something else; people being cowards. People not handling their own shit. Me not being able to speak for myself, or just not realizing fast enough. I thought something was wrong with me, for a long time. Maybe I was too queer, or too queer looking. Or too fat. Or not sexual enough. Or too sexual. Or a bad partner. Or ugly. Or my hair was too short.  Or my house wasn't nice enough..  Or especially, that the kind of play I'm into and the kinks I have aren't ok and I should feel bad for being into them. That was a really big one... I'm not saying these things because I need reassurance or support in not thinking them. I'm saying them because this is the part of relationships people don't talk about. I don't ...

I’ve still got most of my clothes on. You’re standing over me, i’m on my knees looking up at you. You want me to watch you  be terrible to me. You want me to make eye contact. You want me to tell you what a worthless piece of meat i am and that i deserve everything you’re going to give me. You’re going to use me as a sloppy wet fuckhole for your pleasure. You don’t give a shit if i like it or not, it isn’t about me. This is all about you. What you want. What makes your dick hard.  You cradle my face in your hands, i’m teary eyed just from terror alone. You haven’t done much to me but thats about to change. The soothing touch starts to tighten until you’re compressing my neck. My vision starts to tunnel and i struggle to get away, but i can’t. I grab at your forearms  and tug but i don’t have enough leverage. I lean into your legs and you let go.  I lean against you as i catch my breath. I can feel your weight shift, i know you’re coming after me. I reco...