Finding positive.

The entry below is a response I wrote to a person inquiring about a type of edge play I've done in the past; consensual mysogeny. 

Some of it has been slightly edited to make more sense to a general audience, but I thought it would be a good way to start the conversation. What do you do when you encounter a type of play that you find uncomfortable within the general scope of the community? 

You're going to find a lot of stuff in the scene that is going to make you uncomfortable. There are still things I don't want to witness or be a part of, and that is where an amazing phrase called "My kink is not your kink, and that's OK" comes in. You're absolutely free to acknowledge and avoid types of play you don't favor. Everyone does it, everything has something, no matter how mundane you think it may be, or how revolting or unsettling it may be. This area (the one I live in) is very accepting of a lot of types of edge play that other areas aren't. Even going a few hours north will get you out of that zone. Some of it has to do with local (play) culture, some of it has to do with zoning. But when it comes down to it, this area is very ripe with a lot of rougher stuff.  

Almost every type of fetishism has something taboo attached. That is part of what makes it appealing. Think about something "accepted" like anal sex or penetration or play. Part of what some people enjoy is the taboo. It's the same theory with any kind of edge or oppression play. There is master/slave, there is nazi/jew, there is consensual non-consent, also known as rape play. There is age play. Those types of play are most likely to get under peoples skin. And those kinds of play aren't for everyone. You are perfectly allowed to NOT LIKE THEM. Where the buck stops though, is where your feelings start to effect others. 

What bdsm comes down to, really is consent. Sometimes the line of consent can get a little blurred (it does for me, a lot, but that is how I personally prefer to play and my partners are aware of this). The first word in the consensual mysogeny thing is consent. The parties involved WANT to be involved. Would you find the opposite fetish as upsetting? Women (or those identified) who want to oppress (those identified as) men? What about forced feminization? What about humiliation, degradation? Objectification? Some oppression is gender neutral, does that trigger the same feelings for you? What about for someone like me? Who is female-identified (but not woman-identified) who WANTS this type of thing? I'm hoping that thinking through some of those questions can at least help you sort out your feelings on the matter. 

As you get farther into the scene and start developing connections with people, pushing limits, growing, doing your thing. Hopefully you will realize that this type of play takes a huge amount of mutual trust. Aftercare is so important (for me) with the play that I do, and not just for me, but for my partners as well. They want to know that they aren't monsters for getting off on what we just did. Sometimes I want to know that I'm not a monster for wanting it. 

And this got insanely long. I didn't mean to send you such a novel. But I am happy to discuss this farther with you, if you feel the want to keep talking. You'll always be entitled to your feelings and opinions, and don't be afraid to ask me questions. I do a lot of education on this stuff so people asking me uncomfortable questions is nothing new. I do urge you to judge people for who they are, not necessarily what they get off on behind closed doors. There are A LOT of people who seem like monsters if you just go by what they do with their consenting partners (hell, I might be one of them), but a lot of them are amazing, warm, caring people and I can say that from first hand interaction or play with some of them.