My title is a lie. This isn't Adventures with Vaginas. It's an adventure with one vagina. My vagina, Judas.
I hate masturbating. Like a lot of people I suppose. The overall preference seems to be "well, yeah, partnered sex is better, but masturbation is ok." Or "masturbation is fun!" Or "but mutual masturbation is really different and I really enjoy it." Something about handsex. Something about not fucking with penises. Something something something.
I hate masturbating.
I didn't always hate masturbating. Before I had partnered sex, masturbating was pretty ok. I remember laying around, stuffing whatever I could find that would (safely) fit in my cunt, rubbing against a pillow and getting off that way. One day I had 23 orgasms in a row. I couldn't feel my parts. That was pretty fun. Usually I'd settle for fewer orgasms (and more time spent doing other things, like sleeping). That 23 thing was a one time deal.
For a long, long time. Masturbating was the only way I could orgasm. Daddy is the first person I ever slept with that gave enough shits to figure out what made me cum. I'd been with him for at least 6 months before he started talking to me about it. I was pretty ashamed about the fact that I was non-orgasmic with partnered sex. Not that I didn't find partnered sex satisfying, I did. But in the same way one would be satisfied after a good workout. This is not to say that my other sex partners were not GGG or were bad lays. They weren't. I had great sex with most of those people, but I didn't know myself well enough to tell someone else what to do. They don't teach you what orgasms are in school. At least not people with vaginas. I had a lot sex thinking I might have been getting off, but looking back on it, I wasn't. At least not in the way I have been for the past 5 years.
Once I got over the orgasm hump (hehe) I ran into another problem. I could only climax in one position, with pretty lackluster orgasms and by pretty much using Daddy as a dildo. While this was fun for sometimes, it was getting boring and repetitive, not to mention it strained Kamm to keep this position all the time and meant there was little to no spontaneity to our sex and it ended the same way pretty much every time.
Enter the hitachi magic wand.
That marvel of modern machinery has changed the way I fuck.
Do you know how amazing it is to be able to orgasm in different positions? Do you know how amazing it is to be able to orgasm with different people? Do you know how amazing it is to orgasm with different types of stimulation?
This is not to say that orgasms are the end-all-be-all of sex. They aren't. I usually don't even grab the hitachi until way after my partners have offered to grab it for me. I love the way their bodies feel on mine. I love the way their bodies feel against mine. I love the way their bodies feel in mine. I love where their hands go. I love their sweat. I love the way they smell. I love the way our sex smells. I get off on all of that. My physical orgasms are a very satisfying cherry on top of my giant sex sundae. (Omg food analogies, can we not).
I don't get any of that when I masturbate. There is none of that amazing feedback. None of the energy. Nothing. Almost all of my fetishes revolve around me getting off on being used by another person. Being degraded. Being edged. Being denied. Being forced. Being brutalized. Being humiliated. Being made to suffer. I can't do any of those things to myself. I get off on being prey. Is one still able to be prey with no predatory factor lurking?
I haven't found that place for me...
I've tried a number of different things; toys, techniques. None of them are reliable.
My other problem is that I am an absolute cock slut. And not just any kind of cock slut, a biocock slut. You know what isn't masturbating? Having sex with biococks when you're a person with a vagina.
When those factors combine, it makes it incredibly difficult for me to muster the enthusiasm needed to override what makes masturbating uncomfortable to me. I actually try a lot to masturbate and stop a few minutes in because I'm so turned off by just touching myself. I stop the process a lot. I lose interest. My cunt dries up. My mind goes elsewhere. It isn't fun, or sexy or arousing. My libido comes raging back the second I take my hand away. But leaves when I start touching myself again. It's incredibly frustrating.
Ah, oh, and on top of all that (because wait, there's more!) I'm not a big fan of porn. Ready the fainting couch. I'm such a sex and body positive person and I just really don't prefer porn and I really hate touching myself when I'm by myself. THE. SHAME. I have never found "live" (read: video) porn I like. Mostly I stick to really horrible/degrading/taboo writing and erotica, some furry stuff and the occasional rule 34. It's so different from my normal tastes that something about it eventually becomes appealing. Iwouldnotmindassistancewiththis >.>
I feel like I'm starting already with a huge handicap; the wrong equipment, the wrong mindset and the wrong situation. I'm trying to fix a problem with a set of hobbled together macguyver tools with the finesse of an epileptic dog. You can get the job done but you'll be lucky if you do.
Maybe with all the above writing people can see why it's so incredibly difficult for me to masturbate. If you have any incite or ideas, I'd love to hear them.
I hate masturbating. Like a lot of people I suppose. The overall preference seems to be "well, yeah, partnered sex is better, but masturbation is ok." Or "masturbation is fun!" Or "but mutual masturbation is really different and I really enjoy it." Something about handsex. Something about not fucking with penises. Something something something.
I hate masturbating.
I didn't always hate masturbating. Before I had partnered sex, masturbating was pretty ok. I remember laying around, stuffing whatever I could find that would (safely) fit in my cunt, rubbing against a pillow and getting off that way. One day I had 23 orgasms in a row. I couldn't feel my parts. That was pretty fun. Usually I'd settle for fewer orgasms (and more time spent doing other things, like sleeping). That 23 thing was a one time deal.
For a long, long time. Masturbating was the only way I could orgasm. Daddy is the first person I ever slept with that gave enough shits to figure out what made me cum. I'd been with him for at least 6 months before he started talking to me about it. I was pretty ashamed about the fact that I was non-orgasmic with partnered sex. Not that I didn't find partnered sex satisfying, I did. But in the same way one would be satisfied after a good workout. This is not to say that my other sex partners were not GGG or were bad lays. They weren't. I had great sex with most of those people, but I didn't know myself well enough to tell someone else what to do. They don't teach you what orgasms are in school. At least not people with vaginas. I had a lot sex thinking I might have been getting off, but looking back on it, I wasn't. At least not in the way I have been for the past 5 years.
Once I got over the orgasm hump (hehe) I ran into another problem. I could only climax in one position, with pretty lackluster orgasms and by pretty much using Daddy as a dildo. While this was fun for sometimes, it was getting boring and repetitive, not to mention it strained Kamm to keep this position all the time and meant there was little to no spontaneity to our sex and it ended the same way pretty much every time.
Enter the hitachi magic wand.
That marvel of modern machinery has changed the way I fuck.
Do you know how amazing it is to be able to orgasm in different positions? Do you know how amazing it is to be able to orgasm with different people? Do you know how amazing it is to orgasm with different types of stimulation?
This is not to say that orgasms are the end-all-be-all of sex. They aren't. I usually don't even grab the hitachi until way after my partners have offered to grab it for me. I love the way their bodies feel on mine. I love the way their bodies feel against mine. I love the way their bodies feel in mine. I love where their hands go. I love their sweat. I love the way they smell. I love the way our sex smells. I get off on all of that. My physical orgasms are a very satisfying cherry on top of my giant sex sundae. (Omg food analogies, can we not).
I don't get any of that when I masturbate. There is none of that amazing feedback. None of the energy. Nothing. Almost all of my fetishes revolve around me getting off on being used by another person. Being degraded. Being edged. Being denied. Being forced. Being brutalized. Being humiliated. Being made to suffer. I can't do any of those things to myself. I get off on being prey. Is one still able to be prey with no predatory factor lurking?
I haven't found that place for me...
I've tried a number of different things; toys, techniques. None of them are reliable.
My other problem is that I am an absolute cock slut. And not just any kind of cock slut, a biocock slut. You know what isn't masturbating? Having sex with biococks when you're a person with a vagina.
When those factors combine, it makes it incredibly difficult for me to muster the enthusiasm needed to override what makes masturbating uncomfortable to me. I actually try a lot to masturbate and stop a few minutes in because I'm so turned off by just touching myself. I stop the process a lot. I lose interest. My cunt dries up. My mind goes elsewhere. It isn't fun, or sexy or arousing. My libido comes raging back the second I take my hand away. But leaves when I start touching myself again. It's incredibly frustrating.
Ah, oh, and on top of all that (because wait, there's more!) I'm not a big fan of porn. Ready the fainting couch. I'm such a sex and body positive person and I just really don't prefer porn and I really hate touching myself when I'm by myself. THE. SHAME. I have never found "live" (read: video) porn I like. Mostly I stick to really horrible/degrading/taboo writing and erotica, some furry stuff and the occasional rule 34. It's so different from my normal tastes that something about it eventually becomes appealing. Iwouldnotmindassistancewiththis >.>
I feel like I'm starting already with a huge handicap; the wrong equipment, the wrong mindset and the wrong situation. I'm trying to fix a problem with a set of hobbled together macguyver tools with the finesse of an epileptic dog. You can get the job done but you'll be lucky if you do.
Maybe with all the above writing people can see why it's so incredibly difficult for me to masturbate. If you have any incite or ideas, I'd love to hear them.
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