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Why I Refuse to Date Cheaters

If Dan Savage has taught me anything, it's that people cheat and really it is something that we should all kind of get over. I understand, if you make a monogamous commitment you should keep it, but people are people and people make mistakes.

People cheat for all kinds of reasons. Your spouse and you are in a sexless marriage and you still have a sex drive (which is not something you should be ashamed about). Your spouse has some sort of condition that makes sex painful, embarrassing or downright unfeasible. You have kids and you don't want to leave your significant other because other than the lack of sex, the marriage works. You no longer have intimacy in your relationship and you crave it, like any sane human being.
I get it. I completely understand. I don't really think people that stray or cheat are terrible human beings.

BUT....

I refuse to closet myself.

Being your "behind closed doors" kind of girl is in absolutely no way appealing to me. I'll never meet the friends or family of someone who cheats. I'll never be able to go out in public and have an amazing time with them. No one will know of my existence. No big birthday or anniversary celebrations. No trips to your family reunions. No meeting you at work for lunch. I get to be your shameful slutty secret that you go through extraordinary lengths to keep from prying eyes, especially those of your partner, the one who wasn't aware their partner suddenly made a decision to break their monogamous commitment. I don't need the crazy showing up on my doorstep at 2:30AM looking for "the slut that stole their man." No thanks, really, i have enough drama in my own life.

Openly non-monogomous folks do this for more than "just some sex." This isn't about orgasms or feeling good. It's about connection. Adaptation. Emotional expression and personal enjoyment.
If i can't be open. I can't be happy.

So cheaters, before you send that next email to the cute poly-person you found on OKCupid, do some thinking. You're asking (most likely inappropriately) for more than just some strange on the side. You're asking people to remove part of who they are because you saw they were poly or you thought they had a cute face or a hot ass. Think before you act.
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Comments

  1. AnonymousJuly 22, 2012 at 2:18 AM

    Fuck YES, this!

    Mrs. AP and I have had many a man try to lure us (or just her) away for a secret fling. We have refused every time. I fought hard to come out into the open. I will not go back into hiding.

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

    ReplyDelete

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