Polyamory Resource

I've actually seen this website before, and thought it was a good resource.  It's been updated since I last saw it as well.  The Polyamoury Resource. I'll show you a little tidbit from the site. Take a look, it's good, I promise.

But if you love someone, you shouldn't want anyone else.

That's a common idea, but it doesn't really hold up in practice.

Many people believe that a person who has multiple loves can't give their "whole heart" to any person. The belief goes that if you love one person, you can express your love wholeheartedly, but if you love multiple people, your love is divided up and is therefore not as deep. This is based on the "starvation model" of love--that is, you only have a limited amount of love, and if you give your love to one person, there is none left to give to anyone else--so if you fall in love with another person, you have to "pay" for it by withdrawing your love from the first person.

Love is not the same thing as money. With money, you have only a limited amount to spend, and when you give it to one person you have less left to give to another. But love behaves in wonderful and unpredictable and counterintuitive ways. When you love more than one person, you soon realize that the more love you give away, the more love you have to give. Yes, you CAN give your whole heart to more than one person, and when you do, you realize it's the most beautiful feeling in all the world. Don't think of the contents of your heart the way you think of the contents of your wallet; it doesn't work like that.

Some people also seem to feel that it is not possible to love more than one person at a time, so if you're in a position where you're in a relationship with one person and you happen to fall for someone else, this "proves" you don't really love the person you're with, right? After all, the feeling goes, we are put here on this earth to love only one other person, our one true soulmate in a world of six billion people...the single person who is right for us, and who by some quite astounding coincidence happens to go to the same school, or work at the same place.

This is the "scarcity model" of love--the notion that love is rare, that we can only have one true love, and that once we meet tht one true love, the part of our brains which take notice of other people suddenly and mysteriously shut off.

Anyway, as I was saying, in a poly relationship, it is vital--perhaps even more vital than in a monogamous relationship--for everyone involved to know and understand the rules of the relationship, and abide by them. A successful poly relationship absolutely requires trust and security from everyone involved. If you cannot abide by the relationship's rules, you cannot expect to make a polyamorous relationship work.