I've got a lot of things milling around my mostly mushy brain right now. I had a very intense rope scene last night with a wonderful rigger and it's no small matter my brain is still off, but unusually sharp today.
I talk to a lot of conventionally thinking single men and women about why I am in an open relationship. Almost none of them get why and that's alright. It took me years to get to where I am today and every day has been a journey where I have learned something be it good or bad about myself and others. There have been a lot of ups, a lot of downs and a lot of situations where I've cried either for joy, or shame. I'd like to talk about my personal journey to non-monogamy.
In any of my past relationships, a non monogamous commitment would have never worked because neither I nor my partners trusted each other enough to allow this to happen. I've dated good guys, I've dated jealous guys I've dated immature guys, but none of them were right for this kind of arrangement.
I'd gotten out of my first committed monogamous relationship because I felt stifled by monogamy. My grandparents, people I love dearly have been together since high school and never saw or dated anyone else. I think that worked fine for them, but the absolute panic that rose inside of me when I thought about that scenario occurring for me was something I could not get out of my head for months. When something jars you that much how can it be ignored?
I dated a few other people, had some casual partners, and a two night stand or three over my first two years of college. I met Kamm through our World of Warcraft guild (long story short) and after speaking on and off for a year we met in person and ended up dating. Part of the arrangement of that commitment, was that we would at least explore non-monogamy because that was something that was important to both of us. I'm asked frequently "who brought it up first?" and I don't think there was a first, it wasn't a shock to either of us given our past relationships and idea of our future.
We were monogamous for over two years before I felt comfortable enough to let Kamm make us a profile on swinglifestyle. I found that the idea of being committed and monogamous for that amount of time allowed us to really get to know each other and allow us to form the bond we would need to add other people to our mix. We've been swingers for 2 and a half years, not necessarily active all of that time and certainly not that active anymore, but it was an important step.
Kamm had expressed interest in exploring BDSM while we were dating, and at the time I was so convinced I wouldn't like anything about it we ended up opening our relationship for that reason. My dislike for a certain action, fetish or kink should never dissuade my partner from being able to explore their desires. The idea of forcing someone I loved to deny themself their want because of my reluctance has been a part of me for a very long time and it was something that sat well with me. Kamm allows me huge leeway in my interests and hobbies, even if they include something he hates.
Kamm started a mentoring process with a lovely someone who we are still exceptionally close friends with. When it was clear to me how much this woman not only loved Kamm, but myself and valued my relationship with him as well, I saw how these relationships actually start to work.
The bond Kamm and I have has gotten stronger and stronger over the years. Our rules aren't even for our partners but that is what works for us. The level of trust and the level of commitment I experience with him has given me the most fulfilling relationship I could ever ask for from another human being. We've worked through a lot of things; trust, jealousy, rule breaking and rule bending. But I wouldn't give up the end result for the world.
The safety and freedom I experience.
The trust and self growth I experience.
The loyalty and honesty I experience.
The desire and excitement I experience.
The people I get to learn about and love.
Those are the things that make it all worth while.
---
I hope that shed some light on something, normally I don't get quite this personal in my writing but it felt good to get it out on epaper and share. I love you all.
I talk to a lot of conventionally thinking single men and women about why I am in an open relationship. Almost none of them get why and that's alright. It took me years to get to where I am today and every day has been a journey where I have learned something be it good or bad about myself and others. There have been a lot of ups, a lot of downs and a lot of situations where I've cried either for joy, or shame. I'd like to talk about my personal journey to non-monogamy.
In any of my past relationships, a non monogamous commitment would have never worked because neither I nor my partners trusted each other enough to allow this to happen. I've dated good guys, I've dated jealous guys I've dated immature guys, but none of them were right for this kind of arrangement.
I'd gotten out of my first committed monogamous relationship because I felt stifled by monogamy. My grandparents, people I love dearly have been together since high school and never saw or dated anyone else. I think that worked fine for them, but the absolute panic that rose inside of me when I thought about that scenario occurring for me was something I could not get out of my head for months. When something jars you that much how can it be ignored?
I dated a few other people, had some casual partners, and a two night stand or three over my first two years of college. I met Kamm through our World of Warcraft guild (long story short) and after speaking on and off for a year we met in person and ended up dating. Part of the arrangement of that commitment, was that we would at least explore non-monogamy because that was something that was important to both of us. I'm asked frequently "who brought it up first?" and I don't think there was a first, it wasn't a shock to either of us given our past relationships and idea of our future.
We were monogamous for over two years before I felt comfortable enough to let Kamm make us a profile on swinglifestyle. I found that the idea of being committed and monogamous for that amount of time allowed us to really get to know each other and allow us to form the bond we would need to add other people to our mix. We've been swingers for 2 and a half years, not necessarily active all of that time and certainly not that active anymore, but it was an important step.
Kamm had expressed interest in exploring BDSM while we were dating, and at the time I was so convinced I wouldn't like anything about it we ended up opening our relationship for that reason. My dislike for a certain action, fetish or kink should never dissuade my partner from being able to explore their desires. The idea of forcing someone I loved to deny themself their want because of my reluctance has been a part of me for a very long time and it was something that sat well with me. Kamm allows me huge leeway in my interests and hobbies, even if they include something he hates.
Kamm started a mentoring process with a lovely someone who we are still exceptionally close friends with. When it was clear to me how much this woman not only loved Kamm, but myself and valued my relationship with him as well, I saw how these relationships actually start to work.
The bond Kamm and I have has gotten stronger and stronger over the years. Our rules aren't even for our partners but that is what works for us. The level of trust and the level of commitment I experience with him has given me the most fulfilling relationship I could ever ask for from another human being. We've worked through a lot of things; trust, jealousy, rule breaking and rule bending. But I wouldn't give up the end result for the world.
The safety and freedom I experience.
The trust and self growth I experience.
The loyalty and honesty I experience.
The desire and excitement I experience.
The people I get to learn about and love.
Those are the things that make it all worth while.
---
I hope that shed some light on something, normally I don't get quite this personal in my writing but it felt good to get it out on epaper and share. I love you all.
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