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DOSC16 Camp with a Concussion or, I probably won't remember this.

I've already started letting details slip. Not because I want to, but because my brain just isn't working properly. Literally. I now have medical documentation that states I'm essentially, on a bran function level "just kinda drunk" ALL THE TIME. And you know what, it feels like it. It's hard to concentrate. It's hard to verbalize. I have difficulty finding words or expressing myself or my feelings. It's been like that since the accident, not just camp. I actually felt some of the best I have felt since the accident, I just keep running into new problems.

I essentially haven't been hungry in 5 days, which is alarming to me. You guys know how much I love food.

I didn't get to play very much at camp. I also didn't feel very much like playing. The drive from PT to the grounds was absolutely exhausting. And the new trend of people arriving earlier and earlier every event is actually causing me a lot of issues. I like being one of the first people in.. It helps my social anxiety. I get to quietly acclimate to camp. Jumping 'into the fray' is a bad place. Thursday was pretty exhausting over all and I don't really remember much of it. I know I had cigars and got to catch up with a few people.

I mostly talked to people. Casual conversations, mediated conversations, "I need an adult" conversations, holding space for others, sharing space with others, talking myself up or into things, and especially listening to others.

I was able to connect with so many people, and I am so sad for all the specifics I already can't remember. Spending time on the tennis courts, at Rumspringa, the compound, the pamporium.

Friday was alright, I think. I got to send some time managing the Compound.

Saturday was full of brain weasels. I hate brain weasels.  Brain weasels are anything my poor concussed brain latches onto and won't let go. Sometimes it's emotions, sometimes it's people, sometimes it's songs or music, etc. It's an unwanted, primary focus I can't get my brain off of.

Usually my brain is a high speed rail, lots of cars, doing lots of things. Lately it's been single tracking like the metro. And the worst is when the train stops entirely. Brain weasels make the train stop at dumb places.

I spoke to a lot of people about my injury, and about their injuries or issues with chronic pain. It was freeing to admit the privilege in how I was injured and how my issues are being handled. I AM privileged in my injury. All of my medical needs are being covered by someone elses' insurance. I'm not physically maimed or scared, and people are very understanding about concussions...Thanks pro football.

I bought a piece of jewelry from @Moose_B_Almighty that kept speaking to me, I wear it almost all the time. I gathered more things for my personal alter.

I hosted an impromptu CBC during DO After Dark on Saturday night, which was just what I needed to feel better about myself, feel capable of doing SOMETHING.

I dealt with some difficult feelings I don't feel like getting more into right now.

The compound was packed out by 2pm, which is a new record.

This is so disjointed, and not what I wanted to get out at all, but this is as good as it's going to get right now, I think.
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