Dangah Zone -- Avoiding Bad Situations

Screen shot from Archer

Avoiding bad situations is paramount in swinging.  Chances are, if you're swinging, you're doing it to have a good time and not to create painful memories that will surface later on.

This is my system. It is what has worked for me since I started meeting people on my own, and meeting couples and singles with D.  This system has been a really long time in the making.  Since I adopted it, I've had very very few bad experiences. Most of my meetings have been mediocre or good (or awesome).  These pointers may never work for you, or your style, but they do tend to keep me very safe. Read, watch, enjoy.  These are in no particular order, and most of these refer to meeting both couples and singles. A boring date isn't the end of the world, but a bad one could be disastrous.

• Get to know someone before meeting them in person:  I usually spend a few weeks (thats right, weeks) getting to know someone before meeting them in person.  There are several reasons for this; I learn how someone interacts with me, I learn if they lie and I learn about them as a person.  This includes not only the sexual stuff (fantasies, experience, preferences) but also hobbies, schooling and more.  Since I look specifically for a friends with benefits type of situation with my single partners especially, I want to make sure I can be friends with them.  After all, I call it "friends with benefits" not "random dicks with benefits."
• If you are single, or going on a meeting as a single, make sure someone knows where you are. For some of the modeling stuff I've done, I've had a "check in" call with a friend or partner. At a certain time, someone gives you a call. If you pick up or get in touch in them within an hour, then something is wrong.  Your friend can come get you or call the police. It may seem a little over the top, but there are plenty of swingers with these kind of rules. 
• Make the first meeting a public, no pressure meeting.  Nothing sucks more than when you are expecting some action and your date decides they aren't interested in you, or vise-versa.  
• Be honest with those you're dating. If you're not sexually interested in them, let them know. If they refuse to believe you (or start harassing you about it) most websites and IM services have an ignore user option. Use it. 
• The only asshole that sleeps in your bed should be your cat.
• If you see even one red flag, listen to your gut. You don't need to deal with anyone elses problems. I know of people who have had terrible, terrible experiences swinging because they didn't listen to their gut.
• Make rules with your spouse about what is ok and what is out of bounds. Make sure to discuss those rules with any new partners. 
• Feel free to push boundaries (within reason) but make sure you can communicate with a partner enough so no one gets hurt. 
• If you can't trust someone on certain important points (marital status, STD/STI status, not to meddle with birth control) then there is no reason to let them into your bed. 
• Personally, I don't give my cell# out until the day I plan to meet them.  I've made some basic exceptions to this rule, but I don't want guys I'm not interested being able to contact me at any point in the day.  That is reserved for friends and family.
• Don't let anyone tell you that you "can't get to know someone through the internet." Because it's bullshit. I met D through the internet. It's not everyone's cup of tea, that's fine. But if you're not comfortable meeting someone five minutes after they message you, don't give in to the peer pressure. 
• Don't bother meeting anyone who doesn't like Archer, because they have no taste.