Big Coyote Energy

Plumbat is a friend of mine and her words on 50 SoG sum up my thoughts and feelings perfectly. You can read her full blog entry here , I would highly recommend it.  The relationship between the two main characters is abusive. It’s characterized by manipulation, misuse of power, emotional coercion, and disregard for consent. Christian Gray is a goddamn textbook on how to be a terrible dominant and a terrible partner in general. It’s a travesty that their relationship is being portrayed as a romance, rather than as a cautionary tale.

I know I haven't written in a long time. Longer than my typical winter hiatus. My usual break is caused by the usual work and holiday clusterfuck, no personal time, mandatory work over time. This break was partly caused by that, and mostly caused by something else; people being cowards. People not handling their own shit. Me not being able to speak for myself, or just not realizing fast enough. I thought something was wrong with me, for a long time. Maybe I was too queer, or too queer looking. Or too fat. Or not sexual enough. Or too sexual. Or a bad partner. Or ugly. Or my hair was too short.  Or my house wasn't nice enough..  Or especially, that the kind of play I'm into and the kinks I have aren't ok and I should feel bad for being into them. That was a really big one... I'm not saying these things because I need reassurance or support in not thinking them. I'm saying them because this is the part of relationships people don't talk about. I don't ...

I’ve still got most of my clothes on. You’re standing over me, i’m on my knees looking up at you. You want me to watch you  be terrible to me. You want me to make eye contact. You want me to tell you what a worthless piece of meat i am and that i deserve everything you’re going to give me. You’re going to use me as a sloppy wet fuckhole for your pleasure. You don’t give a shit if i like it or not, it isn’t about me. This is all about you. What you want. What makes your dick hard.  You cradle my face in your hands, i’m teary eyed just from terror alone. You haven’t done much to me but thats about to change. The soothing touch starts to tighten until you’re compressing my neck. My vision starts to tunnel and i struggle to get away, but i can’t. I grab at your forearms  and tug but i don’t have enough leverage. I lean into your legs and you let go.  I lean against you as i catch my breath. I can feel your weight shift, i know you’re coming after me. I reco...

Once upon the time, on the internet, I had a profile up on one of the many BDSM "looking for" sites. And the below is what someone thought would be even remotely appropriate to send to me. Let's see if we can't play creeper bingo. I actually think this dude read my profile, at least enough to see that I have a vagina, like things put in it, and am interested in a D/s relationship. Apparently to him anyone looking for D/s means M/s, because of the amount of times he refers to slaves. Fun fact bro, I'm not a slave. I'm not planning on being a slave, and sending emails like this to people is grounds to get horrible things done to your nads. My brain liquified and started seeping out my noise while I was reading this. I've left the message intact in it's appearance, formatting included. I just removed his initial at the end. PRO TIP: TREAT PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE, AND NOT FETISH DELIVERY SYSTEMS. AND YOUR SHIT MIGHT TURN OUT BETTER. YOUR MILEAGE MAY V...

Hey guys, if you like my blog, could you vote for it on Kinkly's top list of sex bloggers for 2014? I would really appreciate it :)

I was asked to put this in a writing: There was more of this that I wanted to address, but people have already gotten there. The one thing that is missing is this: These people are not healthy. Even if it is consensual. Consent doesn't make it OK to do harm. This is another way to say "bottoms have no agency." Or "bottoms are damaged people." STOP IT. JUST STOP. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Consent is exactly what makes it okay to do harm. Stop telling people that consent isn't enough. Because if consent is not enough than we are not adults and have no right to partake in any of this. I'm upset and frustrated at this train of thought being continued. It's been MONTHS of this; Bottoms can't consent. Bottoms can't this, or can't that. Bottoms are damaged people. Etc, etc, etc. Consent is what we do. Consent is what we deal with. If you aren't ok with someone else giving consent for an act, then you know what you do?...

I'm generally pretty good about dictating or negotiation my regular interactions with others. Sometimes I'm huggy, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I prefer a handshake, sometimes I want a kiss. I communicate these needs if you're someone I routinely interact with related to them. Close friends I'm generally ok with being hugged by. I will let you know if this is not the case (like if I've got a busted rib or other injury). Or if I just don't want to be glomped when arriving at an event. I don't like to be touched intimately by people I don't know well. It's not you, it's just how I am.  I'm generally very ok with these interactions but there is one thing I need to speak up about because I say something about it over and over again. Spanking me is a hard limit. I don't like spanking. I can't process spanking. For the love of whatever god is your homeboy, DO NOT SPANK ME OUTSIDE OF A SCENE.  Don't spank me when I'm o...