Big Coyote Energy

I stop updating for a few months. Sorry guys, my distraction right now is a puppy, and he's really great and he's been really great for me. Daddy said back in March we could (finally) get a dog and I found the perfect little mutt for us. He was 16 weeks old when we got him so he needs lots of attention. Also, some of the stuff I'e blogged about previously, the break-ups I went through last year really took a toll on me. I'm not proud of that, but I haven't been playing because it's actually really hard for me to trust people enough to actually want to play or have sex with them. It's something I'm working through but it's not easy and there is no manual. I knew one of these people for four years, and they spent four years lying to me. It's a high hurdle to cross. Daddy and I will be back at Dark Odyssey FUSION, hosting Cigars Boots & Chocolate as usual. I am really excited for that. We'll be at camp all week too, from Wednesday throug...

Five people have told me "But I thought you'd like it!" In their own defense after they violated my consent, or had done something in play that we did not discuss. I'll speak about different things that have happened to me over the course of my involvement in the BDSM/Kink lifestyle. I've been active in the scene for about 4 years. I'm leaving the locations and names private so that I can cross post this to fettle. Feel free to PM me for the fet names of who these people were, except 2. I never got their fet name. The first time I ever encountered someone who did something non-consensually to me, I was at a public dungeon party at (now defunct but renamed) venue. I was negotiating a knife scene with someone I had never played with before, and part of our negotiation was them asking me the question "Are you ok with knives around your pussy?" I was, and informed them that I was fine with knives near my crotch. During this scene, this person took ...

This blog explains consent really, really well. You should read it. If you’re still struggling, just imagine instead of initiating sex, you’re making them a cup of tea.  You say “hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they go “omg fuck yes, I would fucking LOVE a cup of tea! Thank you! * ” then you know they want a cup of tea.

But stop touching people without their consent. At the last 2 events I've been two, I've had THREE people touch me, two of them being complete strangers. Don't put your hand on someone's hip when you don't know them. Hell, don't put your hands on someone elses body or possessions if you don't know them. Don't stick your head and face on me without my permission when I'm doing sushi table stuff. You want to keep your sushi table, right? I want to keep being a sushi table, but I get way skeeved out when someones face comes at me from nowhere and goes right towards my crotch. Not cool. You know what's even shitter? When I call someone on doing that and then they just walk away without saying anything. If someone else does this again, venue management WILL be talking to you and if I'm up for it, I will also be saying something to you because you need to be called on your shitty behavior. I do not care if you're new. Do not pass go. Do not col...

Plumbat is a friend of mine and her words on 50 SoG sum up my thoughts and feelings perfectly. You can read her full blog entry here , I would highly recommend it.  The relationship between the two main characters is abusive. It’s characterized by manipulation, misuse of power, emotional coercion, and disregard for consent. Christian Gray is a goddamn textbook on how to be a terrible dominant and a terrible partner in general. It’s a travesty that their relationship is being portrayed as a romance, rather than as a cautionary tale.

I know I haven't written in a long time. Longer than my typical winter hiatus. My usual break is caused by the usual work and holiday clusterfuck, no personal time, mandatory work over time. This break was partly caused by that, and mostly caused by something else; people being cowards. People not handling their own shit. Me not being able to speak for myself, or just not realizing fast enough. I thought something was wrong with me, for a long time. Maybe I was too queer, or too queer looking. Or too fat. Or not sexual enough. Or too sexual. Or a bad partner. Or ugly. Or my hair was too short.  Or my house wasn't nice enough..  Or especially, that the kind of play I'm into and the kinks I have aren't ok and I should feel bad for being into them. That was a really big one... I'm not saying these things because I need reassurance or support in not thinking them. I'm saying them because this is the part of relationships people don't talk about. I don't ...

I’ve still got most of my clothes on. You’re standing over me, i’m on my knees looking up at you. You want me to watch you  be terrible to me. You want me to make eye contact. You want me to tell you what a worthless piece of meat i am and that i deserve everything you’re going to give me. You’re going to use me as a sloppy wet fuckhole for your pleasure. You don’t give a shit if i like it or not, it isn’t about me. This is all about you. What you want. What makes your dick hard.  You cradle my face in your hands, i’m teary eyed just from terror alone. You haven’t done much to me but thats about to change. The soothing touch starts to tighten until you’re compressing my neck. My vision starts to tunnel and i struggle to get away, but i can’t. I grab at your forearms  and tug but i don’t have enough leverage. I lean into your legs and you let go.  I lean against you as i catch my breath. I can feel your weight shift, i know you’re coming after me. I reco...